Seein' the Love and Lovin' It!

The gang has been busy lately. Doin' chores, cause mom NEEDS the help!! Playing soccer. Going to the local "farm" for some fall fun. Most importantly lovin' up the baby!!!

Everybody LOVES Christopher!! He is fought over, cuddled, kissed, squished, and complimented incessantly! "You're the cutest baby in the world" or "I love you more than anything" are heard at least ten times a day...Nothing fills my heart with greater joy than seeing my kiddos love their fellow kiddo.

Surprisingly, the gang showed one another a remarkable amount of love and kindness on our "farm" excursion. They had spent (the bigger ones) the past 2 weeks fighting and arguing and generally being annoyed by one another. This drives me crazy! They nit pick and tease...but just when I thought it a hopeless cause they go and prove me wrong to despair!!

They all came together in the most beautiful way at the pumpkin patch/farm. It was a homeschoolers "field trip" and they'd been "pumped" about it for weeks. We arrived ready to socialize and play our guts out! The response to my children's joy and jubilation? The cold shoulder, combined with a look of fear in the eyes of the more "mild-mannered" amongst the crowd. Needless to say my kiddos were more than disappointed. They were crushed. So.......they clung to one another and loved one another in a way that made me SO PROUD!!! Mary even held Collin's hand and talked with her arch enemy (I mean brother) as they walked along hand in hand. Joy and excitement and the thrill of corn and pumpkins and places to explore were all shared between brothers and sisters. There were hugs and kisses and LOTS of HELPING each other.

THIS is the stuff that brings tears to my eyes. This is the kind of thing that makes all the mess, all the stress, and all the insanity WORTH IT!!! I was seeing my children love one another the way I'm always harping on them to love one another and I was lovin' every minute of it!!

Seeking Spiritual Counsel - Tim's Perplexed

I have been struggling with some mighty spiritual questions for about a year and half now. Losing Father Burns was devastating! He was my "go to" guy for all things personal, spiritual, and pressing. Now that he is gone I have been floundering with many things which cause me much anxiety and stress. I tend to analyze everything to death. This includes my spiritual life and how it corresponds with my vocation and my relationships with others.
I've been driving Tim crazy with all my angst and lack of peace. He can't help me sort that kind of stuff out. He just thinks I'm batty! So....I have found a priest I feel like I can go to - Thank God. I met with him for the first time Monday. Tim asked how it went etc. and I mentioned that Father asked to meet with me again on Tuesday of next week. Tim's response? "What!? does Father not have anything to do or something? Or is he just lonely and wants somebody to blab with?" I laughed out loud. I look forward to telling Father about Tim's comments. He just cannot imagine why or how I need to talk to a priest at length about my life with God. Tim's approach is so much more clear cut - "I love God. I try to do what He wants. Period." My husband the practical one in the family...God knows we need the balance...I tend to have my body in the laundry room, but my head in the clouds!!

Transgender Oprah drive me "Bloggy"

While nursing Christopher this morning I happened upon the Queen of talk - Oprah. Her show today? - transgender families - specifically a dad who wanted and subsequently has become a woman. Still married and raising the kiddos. Yet now his wife (the real woman) must wake up next to a woman (kind of) next to her each morning and the kiddos sit with two women at the breakfast table! Ah, and all of it rationalized and excused by the all important Oprah mantra of 'being "true" to yourself'.
You've got to be who you are you know. How can one be authentic and truthful in any area of life be it marriage, love, family, etc. if one is not "who" they feel they need to be...blah, blah, blah... It occurred to me at that moment of Oprah preaching her "gospel" of truth is what ever makes you feel good and "empowers" you, that we would not be so accepting of other choices in the pursuit of "truth".
Would we find it acceptable to say that my "true" identity compels me to live out in the woods with my family and fail to educate my kiddos? Would it be ok if my true identity compelled me to take on two husbands (or for a man to have 2 wives)? Would it be ok if I decided that this stay at home mom thing was not for me and that my "true" calling was to become an international journalist and fly around the world leaving my kiddos behind? Wouldn't all these things be considered selfish?
Why is it that no one ever calls these people struggling with these gender identity issues on the carpet? How about saying that as much as they may feel compelled to be a certain way or to live a certain way we CANNOT give in to these compulsions! Why? Because very simply it's SELFISH! No matter how much "HAPPIER" we might be to live as a woman when God created us a man, that "happiness" does NOT negate our responsibility to live out the commitments we made to marriage and family. Our wife took her vows to be true to a man. Our children have a right to a father and a mother. Most importantly, if we believe in God as Creator, we must recognize that our sex was determined by HIM and that he has good reasons for this.
Ultimately that's what this show came down to - Who is God? Is God, God? Or am I god? Oprah, and her guests, and her millions of adoring fans/viewers have once again recognized SELF as god. We determine truth, truth is based on "happiness" and happiness is most typically determined by the fulfillment of our most base and unenlightened needs and desires. Plainly said - when we satisfy our animal urges and then rationalize them with talk of "truth" and "inner peace" - we are saying to the world - "I am god" Period. End of story.

Happy 5th Birthday Collin!!

September 8, 2002 you were born...September 9, 2007 you recieved your best birthday gift to date! - Christopher! ... Grandma Cheryl's gifts are cool too though eh?

Christopher Fulton - 16 days old

Crab - Must Vent...

Well, I am unofficially back to blogging. It will be VERY scattered and infrequent. But, I feel like a caged animal (in this case a big ugly crab) without it! I have been a terrible CRAB lately. The crab claws only come out for Tim and the bigger kiddos and they are scarcely seen by the 2 littler ones and NEVER seen by Christopher! But by oh boy do Tim, Morgan, and Mary see 'em!

First of all I am tired and my breasts hurt. This itself isn't so bad. But add being a month and a half behind in school, in a constant state of doing laundry, and feeling pulled in a million different directions, and I suddenly turn red, ugly, and ready to "pinch" anybody who gets in my way! The girls are NOT cooperating with school. They are putting up as much resistance as possible. They'd rather be watching Scooby-Do re-runs and eating Chees-its all day long...Collin needs to be taken to and from preschool 3 days a week. The whole process of getting everybody ready to be seen in public by the ever judging eyes of those who leave their mouths agape and then say the classic "you've go your hands full" when they see us, takes at least 45 minutes in all. I feel like we are always racing yet at the same time we're stuck in slow motion! Everything takes SO LONG to do!!! There's always 5 steps to a process which if it were me alone would only demand 1 step to complete. This is the most frustrating part of it all.

Then there's soccer practices. Mon. thru Thurs. for the big 3. This past Tuesday was my first attempt at bringing all 5 with me to the soccer fields and sitting thru an entire practice. I was sweating and stressed...my eyes kept darting around looking for all my crew members and counting... 1,2,3 oh no where's 4? where's 4?...thank God there she is...where's 5? where's 5? Oh there he is in his stroller!! Gee Wiz I'm going nutty here!!! Then dealing with the small talk "chit chat" between parents (mostly moms) watching the practices - Often I blurt out some kind of remark that gets me a look like I'm from another planet. Example: Mom comes over - "So, you're Collin's mom?" - me - "yes" - "...Oh he made us laugh last week when he wanted to tell us about how you feed his little brother...he was so detailed we all had to laugh.." - me - "Ya, you know today he said the cutest thing to me, he said 'mom, I like your nursies, they're beautiful. But I think you should paint them pink 'cause that would be more fashionable' " Now I told that little story to a crowd of parents who stared back at me in shock and horror! I had momentarily forgotten where I was...I was with a group of moms who could in no way relate to my complete lack of discomfort when discussing my breasts or breastfeeding. You see after you nurse 5 children you tend to see your breasts as baby quieters and "nursies" as we call them around here. You don't laugh at your son's description of breasts being used to feed baby brother but you DO laugh at him wanting to paint them pink and think it hysterical that he would choose to use the word "fashionable" as a 5 year old boy!!! But alas, that one went over with the soccer moms like a lead balloon.

Anyhoo, I am a crab. Tim and I took Christopher to be circumcised last night. More crabbiness ensued. I did not want to do this again. Collin's suffering was enough for me. But Tim insisted. And as I always tell the kids "Daddy's the King around here and we must listen to the King" And so Christopher was circumcised. I hate it!! But he IS doing much better today already. (Tim was right about that - again) But, it did inevitably make me an even BIGGER crab! Tim gets the worst of it...

In my defense though, Tim is not the most sensitive hubby. He is a soldier by nature and so he always takes the crap life throws at him and just digs in and soldiers on. He expects the same from his wife and kids as well. We don't really "soldier" as well as he does. This can cause an awful lot of "conflict" 'round here. I become the crabby whiner wife and he becomes the insensitive jerky husband. It's not a pleasant mix! Thank God for those vows "...in good times and in bad..." I really just ant to know that Tim sees how hard this transition is for me. I want him to say occasionally how proud he is with my trying to keep it all together. Tim wants the status quo maintained and the routine to be carried on like all good soldiers must and do...I think I'd make a crappy soldier!

I know that this too will pass. As we all adjust to life as a family of 7 we will all begin to pull our weight and work together. It'll take a couple of months though...we're slow learners I guess...or just stubborn. Stubborn is probably more accurate. In the mean time we all have Christopher to enjoy and love to pieces. Thank goodness babies make all this craziness SOOOOOOO Worth IT!! We've scheduled Christopher's baptism for Nov. 4th. We've never waited that long to baptize our babies! But we just decided to join a new parish and they have the entire month of October already booked! Hopefully Christopher will still be able to fit into the gown. It is a family gown that's been passed down through the generations and ALL the babies have been baptised in it. It's on the small side because we always baptize our babies right away. Being that Chris was 8 lbs. at birth and is now already 10 lbs, I'm hoping he'll be able to squeeze into it by November 4th!! Yikes! I may have to leave it unbuttoned in the back and just "fake it for pictures...

We've asked our neighbors and good friends Don and Dawn to be the godparents. We'll keep the party small and simple. I'm looking forward to it. I always LOVE the day of my child's baptism. I tend to get VERY emotional about it. I've cried at/during every one of my kiddos' baptisms. It's such a powerful moment!! What could be better than knowing that who was just your daughter or son has now become also your sister or brother in Christ!!! WOW!! You gotta love it!! - well...baby needs to nurse again...here come the unpainted, not pink, unfashionable "nursies" little Christopher!!!!

Falling In Love All Over Again

I am truly amazed at how God provides a family with enough love to lavish upon each new member that is welcomed to this world. We ALL are falling in love with little Christopher Fulton! I can't possibly kiss him or hold him enough to satisfy my overflowing heart!!! Neither can his sisters or his big brother Collin! School's still not happening but I'm trying to convince myself that it's not worth stressing out about...times tables and phonics will always be there but a newborn yawn with curled up legs and arched back are a fleeting thing...

September 9, 2007 - Christopher Fulton Is Born !!

On 9-9-07 at 8:30 pm my biggest baby yet was born! 8 pounds!
He came into this world via a water birth which I can't say enough good things about! It was fantastic! All his siblings were there around the tub to watch his entry into this world and they couldn't have been more thrilled or enthusiastic! They were literally "jumping for joy"!!!!





So far all is well with me and little Chris. But I admit to feeling extremely overwhelmed and anxious about how I will handle all this family demands in the coming weeks...Pray for me and my family as we all adjust to our new schedule (or actually lack there of) and try to work as a "team" as we should! Thank you all for your prayers...the birth was truly miraculous!!!...our Lady and Bishop Sheen helped me in a VERY special way!!


Well, off to change another diaper and nurse again...Tim's got Mary and Collin at soccer practice...starting next week it's "all me" though and that'll be interesting to say the least. (3 in soccer 4 times a week and 1 in preschool 3 times a week...AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!) All of it is in God's hands...He hasn't failed me yet!!! Praise Him and thank Him!

All the pics you see here were taken in the first 24 hours of Christopher's life. He's a "Tiny Tim" !!

Goodbye

This will be my last entry. I will no longer be blogging. There are complicated reasons and then there are simple ones. The simple ones are the amount of time that I devote to this blog vs. the amount of time required to raise and care for my growing family. My family must win out hands down. Also, this blog, although a source of comfort and catharsis for me can also be a source of conflict between myself and others who know me. Therefore, I have decided it best to stop blogging but always continue thinking and writing when I can about whatever strikes me as important. I have enjoyed this tremendously and I will continue to check in on my favorite bloggers and comment when I can. God bless and maybe I'll pick this back up at a later date...when there aren't so many diapers to change and so many books to be read aloud to a waiting audience...
Love - Kris