i'll always stand for you - tree63

Another favorite of mine...It gets me thinking about what I am REALLY willing to sacrifice for Jesus. "I have felt the sting rejection brings" is one of my favorite lines. How much will I bear? How much will I endure for love of Him? I think of the martyrs past and present. I think of all of life's little crosses and how I need to embrace them more and complain less. I will always STAND for Jesus.

Music - How I Pray

I love music. All kinds. I like everything from Boys II Men to Frank Sinatra to Nickelback to John Denver to Stevie Wonder to Boston to Beastie Boys to Air Supply...well, you get the idea. I believe my love of music was instilled in me from the start by my dad. He's a real music lover as well. His tastes don't venture oput quite as far as mine. He sticks to R&B and disco and Motown for the most part. (Yes, yes my dad is white) But my dad always cranks up his favorite songs and really ENJOYS them! Music can be powerful like that.

Often this is how I pray. More than anything else, for probably about the past 5 years or so, I've listened to Christian music. I love it. It's not the sweet sappy cornball stuff people tend to think it is. It is often very powerful, very current music. The lyrics are relevant and timely. At least the songs that I enjoy are that way. I listen to it most in the suburban with the kiddos. They love it too. They sing right along and we even discuss the meaning or point of the song's lyrics when it ends. It's a great teaching tool that way.

There are other times though that the kids are just spacing out looking out the window and I am able to drive and listen more deeply. I pray the words. I offer up the joy I feel from the song as a gift to the Lord. I talk to God through the song. This is how I pray. I find that I am taken closer to Him in these moments than the times when I try to pray a formal prayer. So, in this way the music has been such a blessing to me. It has gotten me to a place in my prayer life where I rely less on words and more on just being in His presence. I can just "absorb" Him into my heart. It is an awesome and often overwhelming feeling...I feel a little embarrassed so I'll end here.

third day consuming fire

another great song...if I keep this up I'll tturn the whole blog into one beloved song after the next!

Toby Mac - Made To Love You

Driving home from the chiropractor's office last night I heard one of my favorite songs. It tied in so well with what I've been thinking about lately - Ginormous Heart...
The song is Made to Love by Toby Mac
I freely admit to crankin' it up as far as the volume control could go and then singing it loud (and most likely off key too)
It's a great song - Kris thinks...

Slow But Sure

I spoke with Kelly yesterday. Progress is slow but sure on their expansion. The weather is bad there - cold and wet. Toby was with his grandma. Sarah was reading and reading and reading. Miriam was being silly. Martin was at the pub with friends. Kelly was blabbing with her little sis about a variety of things.

Morgan spilled the beans about her trip to Rome with mom. I wasn't sure how Kelly and Martin would take it. I imagine if I were in her shoes I'd feel hurt. Kelly says of course that she is not. Truly it does not make practical sense to take a 7 day trip over seas and split it between two countries (Germany and Italy). But what makes practical sense is not always a comfort to gut instinct emotions...

I can only imagine how hard it is for Kelly to live abroad. She is forever the outsider no matter that she speaks German fluently, or has embraced many aspects of German culture. She can never just "drop in" on me or mom or friends. A visit always demands an airline ticket and a passport. (and lots of $$$$ too) We are all busy living our lives over here in the US and often I'm sure she feels she's forgotten. She is not. I'm not the best at remembering or being thoughtful the way she is. I'm sure this leaves her feeling less than appreciated by her own little sister.

To add insult to injury so to speak mom will be taking Morgan to Rome in December. Although this is great and is in no way an attempt to "snub" Kelly and her family it may still sting a bit. To be SO CLOSE (geographically) and yet to miss each other just seems unfair. Still, my sensible sister reiterates all the reasons this scenario is best. It is a short trip. Only 5 days of actual visit time. (the other 2 are travel days) Rome and Vatican City are filled with things to see and do enough to fill a month's worth of time. A side trip to Germany would be too much for a five day time frame. Kelly and Martin will both be working and the kids will be in school at the time.

Anyhow...I sure wish I could be going too. I envy Morgan and mom. I sure hope I can see the Vatican some day. Also, I hope that our plan to go to Germany next fall is not spoiled by some unforeseen event. It is about time that the Tim and Kris Crew make a trip over there... How bad could it be to travel overseas with five children ages 10 and under???? Piece of cake!!!
I love you Kelly, Martin, Sarah, Toby, and Miriam.

Oh the Things You can Do With A "Ginormous" Heart

First of all I am so pleased to be able to use the word "ginormous" in a post title. I admit I like to use this non-word when ever possible. I'm a fan of "Elf" and the word makes me giggle just a little every time I hear/say it.

Now - on to the point at hand...

Yesterday at mass Father gave a lovely homily on the importance of pleasing God and the deception of finding lasting pleasure in the things of earth. He discussed the purpose of wealth and "success" and how all good things come from God alone. He spoke of how we can only be truly satisfied by the things of God. All related well to the reading, specifically the gospel. Then he said something so simple that it made all his other words so unnecessary. (At least for me.) He said "God gives each one of us a heart so large, that only He can fill it." Then he went on with this and that and I admit I didn't even hear the rest of his homily. I was stuck on that one image. It is the image, the explanation I had been trying to describe myself for so long. I have had many occasions to discuss the importance of God in my life with other people. This is a great blessing. People tend to come to me and question me "why do you do the things you do?". They may marvel or they may criticize. But for some reason they seem to want to understand why I do the "crazy" things I do. (Crazy meaning - having all those kids, and homeschooling, and talking about Jesus, and praying that ol' ladies prayer the rosary, etc)

I try to talk about my love of God. I speak about how He has transformed me and subsequently my life. I talk about the joy and peace I feel knowing that I am doing what pleases Him most. But those deer in headlights eyes often just stare back at me. They cannot understand where I am coming from. They think I have some special supernatural powers to connect with God on a level they cannot. Not true! They think that I am especially "holy". Not! They think that I have had an extraordinary upbringing which has prepared me well for this journey. Yet I am just the product of any ordinary dysfunctional family like everybody else.

What could I say? How could I describe the NEED for God to those who see my compulsion, my obsession as unnatural and unattainable? How can I make them see that we ALL need God. We have the same magnetic draw towards Him no matter who we are or where we've been. Everybody is destined to be compulsively, obsessively drawn to serve the Lord! It's just that we let so much darkness blind us. We think so little of ourselves and at the same time we think we think so highly of ourselves! Oh how Satan twists things! Then Father spoke those simple words. The image for me was so clear and childlike - it was perfect!

God is our maker. He made us with ginormous hearts. And I mean GINORMOUS!! There is no person, no possession, no achievement, no degree, or bank account, or success, or pleasure that can fill this heart we have been given. Our spouse cannot fill it. Our children cannot fill it. Our love of neighbor, country, or humanity itself cannot fill it. God alone can fill our ginormous heart. Only God can satisfy our hunger. We fill ourselves with everything in sight. Some choices may seem better than others. Some may choose selfish pleasures to stuff that void. Others choose noble acts and selfless charity and say they are fulfilled. But charity without love of God is just another hopeless heart-stuffer. We will stuff and stuff and never be complete. The void is still there.

God must be asked to come into and fill our ginormous hearts. We must make Him a welcomed guest there. We must give Him ALL of our heart - not merely a piece of it. We must not hold back or reserve space for a rainy day. He will not fail us. So go ahead. Give yourself away! Every ginormous piece of that heart! Then crazy things just start happening. You feel a radical compulsion to GIVE and GIVE and GIVE. You find yourself doing things and sacrificing things that never seemed possible before. The crazy part is it's not YOU! You're not some super hero who's suddenly developed super powers. You're just the same little ol' person you were before but with a God-filled, God-powered heart. And remember, it's a GINORMOUS HEART! Oh the things you can do with a ginormous heart!

A Very Different Woman Arrives At the Same Truth

A very different woman than myself writes an excellent article for the MSN Lifestyle section online. Although to be sure she and I have many differences we both have arrived at the same truth about marriage. More specifically we agree on the benefits of marrying "young". Young seems to be under the age of 30 these days. People have a tendency to tell you to wait until "you're established" - whatever that means. Tim and I took the plunge, the leap of faith almost 9 years ago. Like the author of this article I feel like we have benefited enormously from our youthful "blindness" in that we put our faith in God to see us through and you know what? He hasn't failed us yet!

The article can be found here - Married at 24: Crazy in Love or Just Crazy? - MSN Lifestyle - Relationships: I rather enjoyed the last 2 paragraphs the BEST!!! here they are -

"It wasn't until recently that I realized my engagement ring — two tiny jewels riding a golden wave — is a child's ring, and how appropriate that was at the time. I had no clue about marriage. I had no idea about the storms lurking out at sea, the rocks, how desire could rise and fall like the tide. And I'm glad I just blithely plunged in. Had I really thought about it, I might have bolted back to the singles jungle with my life list in hand.

In a way, Rob and I grew up together. We helped make each other — for better or worse. Getting married wasn't about settling down or having stability; it was about joining forces for an adventure neither of us could have alone. It was like standing at the edge of a cliff with rushing water beneath us. We were happy, terrified — and against all expectations, we jumped. But we were holding hands, and even if we were falling fast, we were together. Are together."