Whether we like it or not (or for many people) whether we
know it or not, we are in a battle against the culture for the souls of our children. I choose to reflect here on our daughters. I will save my thoughts on the raising of our sons for another day and another post. Let me just say this about our boys. We have
de-
masculinized them far too much for far too long and now we will reap the consequences of having a raised generation of weakling,
feminized boys who haven't the tools required to make the transition into authentic manhood.
That being said, I want to focus on our girls and this is prompted by the photos I've posted here. Tim took the girls to our
Homeschool Groups's Annual Father - Daughter Dance in February. Needless to say the girls were thrilled to have a night out with their dad. They felt so special and so "grown-up" to be going out just with dad like that. This was their first time having an occasion like this but it will not be their last. It impressed upon them everything our current pop culture chooses to ignore, hate, or distort.
First of all, it provided them a sense of sacredness of the father - daughter relationship. It wasn't that fake "I'll chase away the boys with a stick"
posturing many dad's do today just for the sake of humor. I've seen it a million times. A young girl begins to grow up and become a beautiful young lady and someone will say to dad "Well, you're gonna have to keep your eye on her eh?" wink wink...to which the dad responds with a chuckle "Ya, I'm not gonna let 'er outta the house 'til she's 30 -
hee hee hee" But this is more often than not just
posturing. I WISH dad's felt a REAL sense of urgency and responsibility to protect and defend their daughters' honor and dignity but in the real world it just doesn't turn out that way. These same dad's send their daughters to school wearing hip
huggers and a half shirt and don't engage their daughters in any sort of meaningful conversation beyond "how's school
goin'?" and "what time did you need me to pick you up?"
Now, I don't mean to pick on dads. They are working hard. They are providing for their families, meeting
every body's material needs. They try to pepper their interactions with hugs and compliments when they can. They may even go the extra mile and
develop special time set aside for their daughters - just dad and his girl/girls. That's great! But in today's world it's just not enough!
We used to live in a world where we could depend upon the culture - the church, the school, the neighborhood, the community, fellow parents, the media, to reinforce our values at best or remain neutral on these matters at worst. Now, pop culture is not simply devoid of examples of the honor and dignity of
girls growing into women. It is at war with the whole concept of girls being truly special and in need of protection and deserving of honor. "Hey! it's the 21st century - we're equal! We get to be as big of pigs as the men we love to complain about don't ya know?"
The poor dad's now in their 20's, 30's and 40's trying to raise their daughters have been summarily brainwashed by our Oprah Winfrey culture into thinking it's not their place to interfere with the "private business" of women. They have been led to believe they must take a more hands off approach to their daughters because they are men and "men just don't understand" what it means to be a woman. So, they feign what was once a reality for fathers - obligation to protect their daughter's dignity. Maybe they feign this to provide comic relief for a moment of feeling awkward. But maybe there's a deeper calling within every man, within every father, to truly BE that hero! Have we so belittled and
be raided our men over the years, to the point where they are ashamed of their own natural instincts, thinking they will be seen as club carrying cavemen, instead of just plain old decent fathers? They hide behind humorous little comments about putting their daughters in towers and leave it at that.
Dads - in today's culture you must nurture that father - daughter relationship to a level you're probably not
familiar with and most likely will not be comfortable with. But wars demand much sacrifice of soldiers and surely we are at war. It is not enough to love your daughters, to provide for them and keep them safe from physical harm. What is required is heroic. You must
daily reinforce the concept of girls being special, and of their bodies being sacred. You must
develop a private relationship with your daughters outside of the one you have with your whole family. This means apart from the direction of your wife. We moms tend to be know it
alls. This can be very destructive. We always think we know just what's best to say and do for our children. Well meaning though we may be, we often undercut our husbands and their own natural God-given instincts. After a while they just throw up their hands and say "To hell with it! I'll just turn in the paycheck and I'm done!"
Dad's MUST stay closely connected to their daughters. They must be the primary source of their concepts of beauty, grace, and femininity. A dad who regularly takes note of his daughters' appearance,
behavior, and attitude, and colors each of these with God's ideal, along with his own wisdom and life experience serves his daughters well. Girls need attention. Lots of it! They need to be noticed, complimented, reassured, and treasured. A father who makes sure to fill up these needs to
overflowing needn't worry as much as the one who leaves his daughter empty and searching for someone to fill these needs for her. Trust me - she'll find a way to have these needs met one way or another.
I'm aware that this is a tall order for you dads. You are working very hard just to provide the best that you can. This requires you to step out of your comfort zone and say and do things that feel "forced" at first. But the reason this all may seem "forced" and "staged" is exactly because our culture has been so far removed from the natural order of things. We have twisted the natural order so significantly that at this point what is true and good is not only hard to determine, but may at times seem to not be true and good at all. That is the way of evil. It takes all things and distorts them beyond recognition. I guarantee that after a few months of practicing
these types of "old-fashioned" fathering concepts you'll be feeling liberated to be a MAN again! Take charge of your family and be a LEADER once more. No woman should ever fear being lead by a Godly man, for he leads his family to God. The
chauvinist bully was never God's intention, but a creation of man's own sin and pride. We've thrown the baby out with the bath water. Women needn't demand that THEY be in charge, when men fail to live up to their God-given obligations. They ought to demand that GOD be in charge when our men fail us. For it is due to a lack of
obedience to God on the part of man, that makes men bad, not manhood itself!
The other great lesson learned by my girls going with their daddy to the Father - Daughter Dance was beauty comes from God. My girls will quickly answer this question without hesitation - "who is the most beautiful woman in the world?" to which they respond "the Blessed Mother" Why do they say this? First of all because it's true. But, the idea behind this response is one I have tried to instill from early on. Beauty comes from God. The more God's grace is within you the more beautiful you become. Logically then, the woman "Full of Grace" is the most beautiful! My daughters aspire to be filled with grace. When they falter or fall I remind them of how ugly their souls will become if they continue on this path - the thought of that is grotesque to them and they change their tunes very quickly! Unlike a world-centered view of beauty which sees beauty as coming from (our modern day god) Self, a beauty comes from God, concept allows a person to be eternally beautiful. Our culture worships the Self and specifically the young Self. We love Youth! We love rock hard abs, and tight buttocks, perky breasts, etc. But these things don't last forever, and we resort to drastic measures to hang on to this beauty for as long as possible. Now don't get me wrong. I want my girls to be active, fit, and well-groomed. I don't say to hell with societal standards let your armpits get hairy and wear burlap! But my first priority, my main emphasis, is on the beauty of their souls. The beauty of their bodies will naturally follow. For when we serve God and He fills us up, how can it be that His Divine Presence will not shine through us and make us beautiful?
Getting dressed for the dance with their dad, the girls giggled and talked. They turned to one another and said "Oh you look beautiful" "You look like a princess" "You look like a bride" and they held their dresses and twirled around for daddy to see. He said in turn "You look beautiful" and they grinned and giggled and leaped for joy! Their daddy just reinforced everything in them that is pure and good with three little words! They felt that and they leaped for joy! Their evening continued with daddy and they danced and took pictures. They even got to walk under a sparkling canopy of little white lights down a long white runner arm in arm with their dad. They announced each dad's name along with the names of his daughters. Tim said that this was the highlight of the night. "Now, we'd like to introduce to you all, Mr. Timothy ------- and his beautiful daughters, Morgan, and Mary Grace." Applause. A small, but not insignificant victory, in this war against the culture. My husband and I will continue to fight the good fight, protect and defend our daughters' dignity and honor, and to guide them and direct them to the true nature of femininity, womanhood, and beauty. God bless and help all those other parents seeking to raise their daughters well in a world that makes it so very difficult. Keep swimming upstream and never give up!
There are some days when I think to myself "What in the world have I gotten myself into?" The house is mess, I'm surrounded by questions, requests, and demands - all immediate of course! The kids seem to be endlessly fighting and bickering over the most trivial of things.
The candles were lit and the singing began. I watched the kids faces and they all were watching Monica's. Her joy pleased them and they were so satisfied. I was so proud at that moment. I knew that they understood how to love. Love is about the other, not the self. Love is in the giving. These family moments (largely due to the fact that I'm homeschooling) afford my kids the opportunity to learn how to love, and love well. It really is true that QUANTITY of time matters more than "quality
time". In order for a moment to be effective as a learning tool it must be genuine and unforced. Planning a whole themed, color- coordinated party for Monica, while my other ones were off at school, each doing their own separate thing, would have made for a better photo-op, but it would have NEVER taught my kids about the meaning of LOVE.
feminized boys who haven't the tools required to make the transition into authentic manhood.
