Falling In Love All Over Again

I am truly amazed at how God provides a family with enough love to lavish upon each new member that is welcomed to this world. We ALL are falling in love with little Christopher Fulton! I can't possibly kiss him or hold him enough to satisfy my overflowing heart!!! Neither can his sisters or his big brother Collin! School's still not happening but I'm trying to convince myself that it's not worth stressing out about...times tables and phonics will always be there but a newborn yawn with curled up legs and arched back are a fleeting thing...

September 9, 2007 - Christopher Fulton Is Born !!

On 9-9-07 at 8:30 pm my biggest baby yet was born! 8 pounds!
He came into this world via a water birth which I can't say enough good things about! It was fantastic! All his siblings were there around the tub to watch his entry into this world and they couldn't have been more thrilled or enthusiastic! They were literally "jumping for joy"!!!!





So far all is well with me and little Chris. But I admit to feeling extremely overwhelmed and anxious about how I will handle all this family demands in the coming weeks...Pray for me and my family as we all adjust to our new schedule (or actually lack there of) and try to work as a "team" as we should! Thank you all for your prayers...the birth was truly miraculous!!!...our Lady and Bishop Sheen helped me in a VERY special way!!


Well, off to change another diaper and nurse again...Tim's got Mary and Collin at soccer practice...starting next week it's "all me" though and that'll be interesting to say the least. (3 in soccer 4 times a week and 1 in preschool 3 times a week...AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!) All of it is in God's hands...He hasn't failed me yet!!! Praise Him and thank Him!

All the pics you see here were taken in the first 24 hours of Christopher's life. He's a "Tiny Tim" !!

Goodbye

This will be my last entry. I will no longer be blogging. There are complicated reasons and then there are simple ones. The simple ones are the amount of time that I devote to this blog vs. the amount of time required to raise and care for my growing family. My family must win out hands down. Also, this blog, although a source of comfort and catharsis for me can also be a source of conflict between myself and others who know me. Therefore, I have decided it best to stop blogging but always continue thinking and writing when I can about whatever strikes me as important. I have enjoyed this tremendously and I will continue to check in on my favorite bloggers and comment when I can. God bless and maybe I'll pick this back up at a later date...when there aren't so many diapers to change and so many books to be read aloud to a waiting audience...
Love - Kris

i'll always stand for you - tree63

Another favorite of mine...It gets me thinking about what I am REALLY willing to sacrifice for Jesus. "I have felt the sting rejection brings" is one of my favorite lines. How much will I bear? How much will I endure for love of Him? I think of the martyrs past and present. I think of all of life's little crosses and how I need to embrace them more and complain less. I will always STAND for Jesus.

Music - How I Pray

I love music. All kinds. I like everything from Boys II Men to Frank Sinatra to Nickelback to John Denver to Stevie Wonder to Boston to Beastie Boys to Air Supply...well, you get the idea. I believe my love of music was instilled in me from the start by my dad. He's a real music lover as well. His tastes don't venture oput quite as far as mine. He sticks to R&B and disco and Motown for the most part. (Yes, yes my dad is white) But my dad always cranks up his favorite songs and really ENJOYS them! Music can be powerful like that.

Often this is how I pray. More than anything else, for probably about the past 5 years or so, I've listened to Christian music. I love it. It's not the sweet sappy cornball stuff people tend to think it is. It is often very powerful, very current music. The lyrics are relevant and timely. At least the songs that I enjoy are that way. I listen to it most in the suburban with the kiddos. They love it too. They sing right along and we even discuss the meaning or point of the song's lyrics when it ends. It's a great teaching tool that way.

There are other times though that the kids are just spacing out looking out the window and I am able to drive and listen more deeply. I pray the words. I offer up the joy I feel from the song as a gift to the Lord. I talk to God through the song. This is how I pray. I find that I am taken closer to Him in these moments than the times when I try to pray a formal prayer. So, in this way the music has been such a blessing to me. It has gotten me to a place in my prayer life where I rely less on words and more on just being in His presence. I can just "absorb" Him into my heart. It is an awesome and often overwhelming feeling...I feel a little embarrassed so I'll end here.

third day consuming fire

another great song...if I keep this up I'll tturn the whole blog into one beloved song after the next!

Toby Mac - Made To Love You

Driving home from the chiropractor's office last night I heard one of my favorite songs. It tied in so well with what I've been thinking about lately - Ginormous Heart...
The song is Made to Love by Toby Mac
I freely admit to crankin' it up as far as the volume control could go and then singing it loud (and most likely off key too)
It's a great song - Kris thinks...

Slow But Sure

I spoke with Kelly yesterday. Progress is slow but sure on their expansion. The weather is bad there - cold and wet. Toby was with his grandma. Sarah was reading and reading and reading. Miriam was being silly. Martin was at the pub with friends. Kelly was blabbing with her little sis about a variety of things.

Morgan spilled the beans about her trip to Rome with mom. I wasn't sure how Kelly and Martin would take it. I imagine if I were in her shoes I'd feel hurt. Kelly says of course that she is not. Truly it does not make practical sense to take a 7 day trip over seas and split it between two countries (Germany and Italy). But what makes practical sense is not always a comfort to gut instinct emotions...

I can only imagine how hard it is for Kelly to live abroad. She is forever the outsider no matter that she speaks German fluently, or has embraced many aspects of German culture. She can never just "drop in" on me or mom or friends. A visit always demands an airline ticket and a passport. (and lots of $$$$ too) We are all busy living our lives over here in the US and often I'm sure she feels she's forgotten. She is not. I'm not the best at remembering or being thoughtful the way she is. I'm sure this leaves her feeling less than appreciated by her own little sister.

To add insult to injury so to speak mom will be taking Morgan to Rome in December. Although this is great and is in no way an attempt to "snub" Kelly and her family it may still sting a bit. To be SO CLOSE (geographically) and yet to miss each other just seems unfair. Still, my sensible sister reiterates all the reasons this scenario is best. It is a short trip. Only 5 days of actual visit time. (the other 2 are travel days) Rome and Vatican City are filled with things to see and do enough to fill a month's worth of time. A side trip to Germany would be too much for a five day time frame. Kelly and Martin will both be working and the kids will be in school at the time.

Anyhow...I sure wish I could be going too. I envy Morgan and mom. I sure hope I can see the Vatican some day. Also, I hope that our plan to go to Germany next fall is not spoiled by some unforeseen event. It is about time that the Tim and Kris Crew make a trip over there... How bad could it be to travel overseas with five children ages 10 and under???? Piece of cake!!!
I love you Kelly, Martin, Sarah, Toby, and Miriam.

Oh the Things You can Do With A "Ginormous" Heart

First of all I am so pleased to be able to use the word "ginormous" in a post title. I admit I like to use this non-word when ever possible. I'm a fan of "Elf" and the word makes me giggle just a little every time I hear/say it.

Now - on to the point at hand...

Yesterday at mass Father gave a lovely homily on the importance of pleasing God and the deception of finding lasting pleasure in the things of earth. He discussed the purpose of wealth and "success" and how all good things come from God alone. He spoke of how we can only be truly satisfied by the things of God. All related well to the reading, specifically the gospel. Then he said something so simple that it made all his other words so unnecessary. (At least for me.) He said "God gives each one of us a heart so large, that only He can fill it." Then he went on with this and that and I admit I didn't even hear the rest of his homily. I was stuck on that one image. It is the image, the explanation I had been trying to describe myself for so long. I have had many occasions to discuss the importance of God in my life with other people. This is a great blessing. People tend to come to me and question me "why do you do the things you do?". They may marvel or they may criticize. But for some reason they seem to want to understand why I do the "crazy" things I do. (Crazy meaning - having all those kids, and homeschooling, and talking about Jesus, and praying that ol' ladies prayer the rosary, etc)

I try to talk about my love of God. I speak about how He has transformed me and subsequently my life. I talk about the joy and peace I feel knowing that I am doing what pleases Him most. But those deer in headlights eyes often just stare back at me. They cannot understand where I am coming from. They think I have some special supernatural powers to connect with God on a level they cannot. Not true! They think that I am especially "holy". Not! They think that I have had an extraordinary upbringing which has prepared me well for this journey. Yet I am just the product of any ordinary dysfunctional family like everybody else.

What could I say? How could I describe the NEED for God to those who see my compulsion, my obsession as unnatural and unattainable? How can I make them see that we ALL need God. We have the same magnetic draw towards Him no matter who we are or where we've been. Everybody is destined to be compulsively, obsessively drawn to serve the Lord! It's just that we let so much darkness blind us. We think so little of ourselves and at the same time we think we think so highly of ourselves! Oh how Satan twists things! Then Father spoke those simple words. The image for me was so clear and childlike - it was perfect!

God is our maker. He made us with ginormous hearts. And I mean GINORMOUS!! There is no person, no possession, no achievement, no degree, or bank account, or success, or pleasure that can fill this heart we have been given. Our spouse cannot fill it. Our children cannot fill it. Our love of neighbor, country, or humanity itself cannot fill it. God alone can fill our ginormous heart. Only God can satisfy our hunger. We fill ourselves with everything in sight. Some choices may seem better than others. Some may choose selfish pleasures to stuff that void. Others choose noble acts and selfless charity and say they are fulfilled. But charity without love of God is just another hopeless heart-stuffer. We will stuff and stuff and never be complete. The void is still there.

God must be asked to come into and fill our ginormous hearts. We must make Him a welcomed guest there. We must give Him ALL of our heart - not merely a piece of it. We must not hold back or reserve space for a rainy day. He will not fail us. So go ahead. Give yourself away! Every ginormous piece of that heart! Then crazy things just start happening. You feel a radical compulsion to GIVE and GIVE and GIVE. You find yourself doing things and sacrificing things that never seemed possible before. The crazy part is it's not YOU! You're not some super hero who's suddenly developed super powers. You're just the same little ol' person you were before but with a God-filled, God-powered heart. And remember, it's a GINORMOUS HEART! Oh the things you can do with a ginormous heart!

A Very Different Woman Arrives At the Same Truth

A very different woman than myself writes an excellent article for the MSN Lifestyle section online. Although to be sure she and I have many differences we both have arrived at the same truth about marriage. More specifically we agree on the benefits of marrying "young". Young seems to be under the age of 30 these days. People have a tendency to tell you to wait until "you're established" - whatever that means. Tim and I took the plunge, the leap of faith almost 9 years ago. Like the author of this article I feel like we have benefited enormously from our youthful "blindness" in that we put our faith in God to see us through and you know what? He hasn't failed us yet!

The article can be found here - Married at 24: Crazy in Love or Just Crazy? - MSN Lifestyle - Relationships: I rather enjoyed the last 2 paragraphs the BEST!!! here they are -

"It wasn't until recently that I realized my engagement ring — two tiny jewels riding a golden wave — is a child's ring, and how appropriate that was at the time. I had no clue about marriage. I had no idea about the storms lurking out at sea, the rocks, how desire could rise and fall like the tide. And I'm glad I just blithely plunged in. Had I really thought about it, I might have bolted back to the singles jungle with my life list in hand.

In a way, Rob and I grew up together. We helped make each other — for better or worse. Getting married wasn't about settling down or having stability; it was about joining forces for an adventure neither of us could have alone. It was like standing at the edge of a cliff with rushing water beneath us. We were happy, terrified — and against all expectations, we jumped. But we were holding hands, and even if we were falling fast, we were together. Are together."

A Quote from the Big Sis

"I'm so bleepin' lazy I can't believe God even puts up with me." says my sister Kelly

Is she delusional? She's way too hard on herself...besides I don't think you should use the words bleepin' and God in the same sentence should you?

Humor Required

Yesterday was not such a good day. Then Dawn called. I experienced my first laughter of the day. The clouds cleared, the sky brightened, and I felt human again. She didn't intend on making me laugh. But laughter was the natural consequence of her telling me the tale of her going school supply and shoe shopping with her five children. (need I say more?) Dawn has a way of telling a story (no matter how mundane or insignificant) that will induce deep belly laughter, and occasionally laughter with tears and a need to fall on the floor.

In a nutshell. She's funny! I've found in the course of my life that this quality is mandatory in all of my closest of friends. Humor is required. I find that it is the fruit of two virtues I respect tremendously - wisdom and humility. And so we laugh together - a lot! Thanks Dawn for your humor. It makes this insanity that we both have freely chosen bearable, on those days when we look around at the chaos and laundry and mess and say to ourselves "What the heck have I gotten myself into?"

5 Things I Love About Jesus

Shelray over at Cosmos Liturgy Sex has tagged me to answer this: The 5 things you love about Jesus...here goes

1. Jesus is God made Man - WOW wrap your head around that one!!!!

2. Jesus is PERFECT. I am not. He loves me anyway.

3. Jesus really KNOWS me. He "gets" me completely.

4. Jesus is all powerful and all merciful - What a combo!!!

5. Jesus is the ultimate lover - the more you fall in love with Him and let Him love you, the more you are able to love others completely, selflessly, totally. It's the gift that keeps on giving.

"Complex" - Compliment or Curse

Tim and I in Ireland on our "pilgrimage" with the girls. (morgan 3 Mary Grace 1)

Me and Sue (a high school and college friend) getting ready to go out at SIU Carbondale

Partying with college friends on a VERY HOT summer night...










Me and my 4 kiddos on our family vacation to Virginia











Today I got a call from my brother-in-law Martin. In the course of our conversation he began his thoughts with a caveat: "Now this is not meant to hurt your feelings Kristan...but I would say that you are a complex person." In my opinion the caveat was not necessary. I took it as a compliment. Then as he went on explaining why exactly he felt "complex" was such a suitable description of me I said to him "Yes, Martin. There you have it then. That is my curse. I fit in no where, belong no where."



This led me to consider the pros and cons of this "complexity" as he described it, and as I agreed does exist in me. I live a simple life. I have a very clear and simple purpose which motivates everything I do and am - love of God. Yet, I see things, relate to things, and respond to everything and everybody around me in shades of gray that even I fail to understand completely. It is both a gift and a cross.



It is a gift to articulate very strongly held beliefs and convictions and yet love the friends and family who reject or disagree with these as well. It is a gift to see beyond my own surface, allowing me to grow closer to the God who made me. It is a gift to see beyond others surfaces as well, allowing me to regain the proper humility when it escapes me in moments of weakness. It is a gift to recognize the limitations of most liberal arguments without dismissing the good motives behind most liberal positions. It is a gift to laugh, be loud, be goofy and obnoxiously silly, and then to be quiet and contemplative and prayerful too. It is a gift to have made mistakes and fallen into the deep pits of a sinner, and now to stand on a new road with a firm resolution not to fall again and yet never forgetting the compassion required to lift a sinner from out of one of those pits. It's a been there done that sort of thing.



It is a cross to be complex in a world that demands simple labels for everybody and everything. Like it or not, with the discovery of a handful of details about me, people have me "pegged" as either a self-righteous, prudish, saint who cannot be approached, or a weird, alternative, phony who is easily dismissed. My cross is going to a home school event and being the only mom there in pants. It's getting giddy over the words of St. Augustine or Bishop Sheen, and sharing them to a less than enthusiastic audience. I actually have to restrain myself from talking about or inserting certain spiritual observations or truths into conversations. I don't want to "weird people out" - but I do. My cross is being deep in a world of superficiality - I see things that disturb me or even elate me that seem invisible to the rest of the population. It is a cross to be different and to stand out on your own. People think this separation is a sign of arrogance. If only they could see the insecurities that plague me or hear the self-loathing mantras that go on inside my head. I have a past filled with mistakes and scandalous sins which exclude me from the innocence and purity I see in many of the Catholic home schooling mothers I respect so much. At the same time the innocence and purity I aspire to leaves me in an awkward place amongst the suburban housewives I see and interact with daily.



They say some of the greatest sinners became the greatest of saints. I know why. It is because these people have been down in the low dark places their sins took them. They experienced the mercy of God. They rose to a new height. Their life after that was one of constant awe. They were in awe of God and His mercy. This awe allows you to see. You see a lot - more than the average ordinary soul I suppose. It doesn't make you "better than" your fellow man, but it does make you more "complex". In the final analysis "complex" IS both a compliment and a curse.

More Pictures from Germany

The construction continues...I can only imagine the stress that is going along with that process! There's something so rewarding yet at the same time anxiety inducing about having a home (or in this case an addition) built for you. This is your home and you want it to be done properly. The people who are working are doing a job - that's it. Why is it that they cannot see all the same details we see? At least that was Tim and my experience when we had our home built. But in the end you've got to say to yourself it's the love that fills the rooms that counts more than the perfectly aligned and neatly painted trim that frames it.
Have I said lately how much I miss my sister and brother-in-law? Oh ya I think I said it a couple of posts ago...Oh well, I'll say it again...I miss you Kelly and Martin!!!!

TMI

I stumbled upon this great little article over at MSNBC - Beware the overshare in everyday conversations

It's a quick read.

Tim and I often say that there are some people who give TMI (too much information) to the wrong audience at the wrong times. He is far more private and reserved than myself. His policy of listen, listen, listen, and talk only when necessary is a good one. I have tried to develop it over the course of the 12 years I've known him.

I must admit though, that I am still prone to diarrhea of the mouth. I hope that blogging in and of itself is not a sign of "oversharing" as the article suggests. I hope that I am not a narcissist disguising myself as an innocent blogger-mom. Does anyone think that blogging has become a form of narcissism? Or that we all (bloggers) share TMI because we're trying to establish false bonds with strangers? Read the article and let me know what you think...

Just When I Was About to Climb Atop My Pity Pot - God Puts Things in Perspective!

Following my doctor's appointment I was feeling really low. Where does stress and/or depression lead me? To Dairy Queen of course! Off we went to get my kiddos some well-deserved (thick sarcasm) ice cream. Frankly they all had been pains in the necks for me at the doc's office (with Collin being the King of all neck pain) but I didn't care I wanted a large chocolate malt with extra malt. Besides 4 vanilla cones guaranteed me at least 15 minutes of PEACE in the suburban.

We ordered. I pulled away from the window and I parked in the lot there to let the car idle. I passed out the cones and started my pity party. In between long sips of malt I'd think about what a pain the kids had been. I thought about how hard even the smallest tasks can be because I have these kiddos ALWAYS with me - EVERYWHERE I GO! Then I looked up at the strip mall in front of us. What did I see there? A Planned Parenthood Clinic! Yuck! Then I had an "ah hah" moment that only God can bring about. I immediately stopped pitying myself and started counting my blessings! "Yes Lord, You're right. I should be thankful for my children." I said to Him right there and then. I realized that the Planned Parenthood mentality WANTS me to see my children as burdens, as pains in the necks. That thought made me cringe! I would not allow the day's events to sour me completely.

I had it all right there in my suburban with my John Paul II bumper sticker. I had my kiddos, my unborn little one, my health, a loving husband, and icecream and onion rings to boot! I thought about the words on the back of my suburban and I took them to heart - "A nation that kills its own children is a nation without hope." I would not allow myself to participate in the culture's self-centeredness. I would "offer it up" and that's exactly what I did. Thank you God for pulling me down from my pity pot and putting things back into perspective - I love You!

At the Doctor's Office

**These are ACTUAL photos from my doctor's visit...I have a movie of the experience (I had Morgan actually film the event so all could share in the insanity) but I have no clue how to post video to my blog as of yet!!

Today I had a doctor's appointment. From this point forward I will be going weekly. I have ordered my birthing tub, and I will be needing to get my "supplies" organized in preparation for the "big day"! I am feeling excited and at the same time anxious, about another home birth. The baby's heart rate was 148 and doc says everything's good...yet I still found myself crying in that little white room on that crinkly white paper.

I felt it necessary to tell the doc about my very intense emotions as of late and also about my ever increasing stress level. This is when I broke down. I suppose the fact that all four of my kiddos were in the room with me "waiting" for him to come in, might have had something to do with it. When I say "waiting" that means me sitting on the crinkly papered table and yelling at Collin to stop touching , well, EVERYTHING!! "Don't touch that. Get down from there. Get your shoes back on. No! Not the bio hazard box! Leave your sister alone. Get up off the floor. and (most importantly) Be quiet!" It also means I actually said this to my girls "Do you see this person? (pointing at Collin) well he's gonna drive me crazy so that means you 3 must be PERFECT! Do you hear me? Sit there and be PERFECT!" (This was said with the veins in my neck starting to pop out and my teeth clenched so tightly that I was sure I'd break one of them off right there)Morgan asked "What do you mean mom?" I replied "Just sit there and act like statues." She pushes me "Can we be a fountain?" To which I responded without any words but just flashed her "the look" and she new I wasn't in the mood for her I'm almost double digits sense of humor.

Doctor came in and examined me pushing on my belly as Collin laid there next to me on the table. Actually Collin had his arms around me and one leg even tossed over my legs. I must say it felt good to be so loved by my little man but most importantly I was happy that he was finally STILL! (for almost 2 whole minutes!) I sat up to discuss things further with the doc and this is when he asked me the "trigger" question "Is there anything else you'd like to discuss?" Let the tears commence! I went on to explain how emotional and cranky I've been lately...as I did this Collin started his pinball action bouncing off the walls of the 8x8 room at top speed. The doc soon lost eye contact with me as I tearfully continued..."Mrs. ***** I don't think it's due to hormones as much as circumstance in your case." "It seems you may have some stress at home?" looking over at Collin who had just stuck some disposable cone shaped ear things in his ears. "Yes doctor." "Right now you really need to just be eating and resting and relaxing, nothing else. You should have someone come and stay with you and take care of all the housework and the children." My response? Laughter. "Thanks for the comic relief Doctor" I said. But he assured me he was serious.

The problem I find myself in is that those people who I feel comfortable coming into my home and caring for me and my kiddos are all moms with big broods of their own! Dawn my neighbor and dearest friend, has 5 and her youngest is only 5 mths old! Sure, like I can say "Hey Dawn when you're done with the Mt. Everest of laundry in your basement, and fishing toothbrushes out of toilets, and making and cleaning up after a zillion mini-meals (what kids like to call 'snacks' but they never really are snacks. They always grow into something larger), how's about coming over here and helping me out with my 4 kiddos?" My mom lives 1 1/2 hours away and has a sickly cat at home that cannot be left for long periods of time alone. So you see my first response of course was laughter.

I will survive. But will my children? That is the question. This summer has been a real bummer for the kiddos. I haven't done as much as I normally do with them. They are all accustomed to mom riding bikes, going swimming, taking them here and there, and acting as "all time pitcher" in the backyard for our neighborhood baseball games. If my kiddos were not the "baby lovers" Tim and I have encouraged them to be, I might fear that they'd resent this little one in mommy's womb because it's messing up their normal summer fun! But thank God they haven't blamed the baby. Just mom. I'll be happy when our little one is here, for many reasons, but one of them will be most definitely be the end of me having to hear "we're bored". There's nothing like a new little brother or sister to bring the joy and thrill of summer back to summer!!!!

Truly - It's Not Arrogance

Some one has left an Anon. response to my post "Filling their void with my family" and it has upset me a little. That particular post was written in anger - this is true. Yet my blog is not only a place for me to write my thoughts but is also a place for me to "vent" and release frustrations. I hope any and all of those who read this blog recognize this. This blog is first and foremost a very PERSONAL outlet for me. I am not a philosophical, theological, or political writer. I am simply a mom and just an average woman finding her way in this world. I may comment on theology or current events, or I may simply use my computer keyboard to "punch out" my little life's frustrations, anxieties, and troubles. I put myself at risk by doing this. It seems I may have gotten "burned" by the RAW openness of my 2 most recent and very personal posts, which the Anon. writer references.

Let's clear things up right now. I in no way feel I am superior to ANY other person. Yet, as I clearly point out in my "Shining my halo" post I do feel extremely BLESSED by God to be on the path I am on. To point out the differences I have with most other women I know and am in contact with is not in of itself an ATTACK on these women personally. Rather it is a rejection of values which conflict with my own. I am reminded of the phrase "love the sinner, hate the sin." and I think it is very fitting here. My hope is that ALL people come to experience the blessings and the great graces I have been given in my life. But it must be said that it does not happen by magic. I sacrifice a lot in order to remain open to these graces and blessings.

Those who know me well, know that I am neither arrogant, nor uncharitable towards my neighbors (in this sense I mean ALL my fellow humans). I am though - human. I do get worn down and exhausted by the lack of understanding I am given. I am not really living a "very holy life" as the Anon. writer says. It's just a simple life that God calls me to live. But I AM living a counter cultural life. Doing that can wear on a young mother from time to time. In those moments she may need to vent a little on her blog. But most assuredly she doesn't need a lecture.

A More POSITIVE Note

We recently received these photos (and an update) from my brother-in-law, Martin. The expansion is going well and I am happy for them to be rid of their old bathroom tile (that's geared toward Kelly) and for them to have the space to stand fully erect in their attic (that's geared toward Martin). Mostly, I'm glad to re-focus my attention on those I love dearly! I have been moody, cranky, and anxious as of late (as some may have gathered from my posts). When I see pics of my sister and my brother Martin, I am reminded of who I love and who loves me! That makes a WORLD of difference despite the miles that separate us. I miss them terribly! They're some of the (very) few people who actually "get" me and still like me anyway!