TMI

I stumbled upon this great little article over at MSNBC - Beware the overshare in everyday conversations

It's a quick read.

Tim and I often say that there are some people who give TMI (too much information) to the wrong audience at the wrong times. He is far more private and reserved than myself. His policy of listen, listen, listen, and talk only when necessary is a good one. I have tried to develop it over the course of the 12 years I've known him.

I must admit though, that I am still prone to diarrhea of the mouth. I hope that blogging in and of itself is not a sign of "oversharing" as the article suggests. I hope that I am not a narcissist disguising myself as an innocent blogger-mom. Does anyone think that blogging has become a form of narcissism? Or that we all (bloggers) share TMI because we're trying to establish false bonds with strangers? Read the article and let me know what you think...

Just When I Was About to Climb Atop My Pity Pot - God Puts Things in Perspective!

Following my doctor's appointment I was feeling really low. Where does stress and/or depression lead me? To Dairy Queen of course! Off we went to get my kiddos some well-deserved (thick sarcasm) ice cream. Frankly they all had been pains in the necks for me at the doc's office (with Collin being the King of all neck pain) but I didn't care I wanted a large chocolate malt with extra malt. Besides 4 vanilla cones guaranteed me at least 15 minutes of PEACE in the suburban.

We ordered. I pulled away from the window and I parked in the lot there to let the car idle. I passed out the cones and started my pity party. In between long sips of malt I'd think about what a pain the kids had been. I thought about how hard even the smallest tasks can be because I have these kiddos ALWAYS with me - EVERYWHERE I GO! Then I looked up at the strip mall in front of us. What did I see there? A Planned Parenthood Clinic! Yuck! Then I had an "ah hah" moment that only God can bring about. I immediately stopped pitying myself and started counting my blessings! "Yes Lord, You're right. I should be thankful for my children." I said to Him right there and then. I realized that the Planned Parenthood mentality WANTS me to see my children as burdens, as pains in the necks. That thought made me cringe! I would not allow the day's events to sour me completely.

I had it all right there in my suburban with my John Paul II bumper sticker. I had my kiddos, my unborn little one, my health, a loving husband, and icecream and onion rings to boot! I thought about the words on the back of my suburban and I took them to heart - "A nation that kills its own children is a nation without hope." I would not allow myself to participate in the culture's self-centeredness. I would "offer it up" and that's exactly what I did. Thank you God for pulling me down from my pity pot and putting things back into perspective - I love You!

At the Doctor's Office

**These are ACTUAL photos from my doctor's visit...I have a movie of the experience (I had Morgan actually film the event so all could share in the insanity) but I have no clue how to post video to my blog as of yet!!

Today I had a doctor's appointment. From this point forward I will be going weekly. I have ordered my birthing tub, and I will be needing to get my "supplies" organized in preparation for the "big day"! I am feeling excited and at the same time anxious, about another home birth. The baby's heart rate was 148 and doc says everything's good...yet I still found myself crying in that little white room on that crinkly white paper.

I felt it necessary to tell the doc about my very intense emotions as of late and also about my ever increasing stress level. This is when I broke down. I suppose the fact that all four of my kiddos were in the room with me "waiting" for him to come in, might have had something to do with it. When I say "waiting" that means me sitting on the crinkly papered table and yelling at Collin to stop touching , well, EVERYTHING!! "Don't touch that. Get down from there. Get your shoes back on. No! Not the bio hazard box! Leave your sister alone. Get up off the floor. and (most importantly) Be quiet!" It also means I actually said this to my girls "Do you see this person? (pointing at Collin) well he's gonna drive me crazy so that means you 3 must be PERFECT! Do you hear me? Sit there and be PERFECT!" (This was said with the veins in my neck starting to pop out and my teeth clenched so tightly that I was sure I'd break one of them off right there)Morgan asked "What do you mean mom?" I replied "Just sit there and act like statues." She pushes me "Can we be a fountain?" To which I responded without any words but just flashed her "the look" and she new I wasn't in the mood for her I'm almost double digits sense of humor.

Doctor came in and examined me pushing on my belly as Collin laid there next to me on the table. Actually Collin had his arms around me and one leg even tossed over my legs. I must say it felt good to be so loved by my little man but most importantly I was happy that he was finally STILL! (for almost 2 whole minutes!) I sat up to discuss things further with the doc and this is when he asked me the "trigger" question "Is there anything else you'd like to discuss?" Let the tears commence! I went on to explain how emotional and cranky I've been lately...as I did this Collin started his pinball action bouncing off the walls of the 8x8 room at top speed. The doc soon lost eye contact with me as I tearfully continued..."Mrs. ***** I don't think it's due to hormones as much as circumstance in your case." "It seems you may have some stress at home?" looking over at Collin who had just stuck some disposable cone shaped ear things in his ears. "Yes doctor." "Right now you really need to just be eating and resting and relaxing, nothing else. You should have someone come and stay with you and take care of all the housework and the children." My response? Laughter. "Thanks for the comic relief Doctor" I said. But he assured me he was serious.

The problem I find myself in is that those people who I feel comfortable coming into my home and caring for me and my kiddos are all moms with big broods of their own! Dawn my neighbor and dearest friend, has 5 and her youngest is only 5 mths old! Sure, like I can say "Hey Dawn when you're done with the Mt. Everest of laundry in your basement, and fishing toothbrushes out of toilets, and making and cleaning up after a zillion mini-meals (what kids like to call 'snacks' but they never really are snacks. They always grow into something larger), how's about coming over here and helping me out with my 4 kiddos?" My mom lives 1 1/2 hours away and has a sickly cat at home that cannot be left for long periods of time alone. So you see my first response of course was laughter.

I will survive. But will my children? That is the question. This summer has been a real bummer for the kiddos. I haven't done as much as I normally do with them. They are all accustomed to mom riding bikes, going swimming, taking them here and there, and acting as "all time pitcher" in the backyard for our neighborhood baseball games. If my kiddos were not the "baby lovers" Tim and I have encouraged them to be, I might fear that they'd resent this little one in mommy's womb because it's messing up their normal summer fun! But thank God they haven't blamed the baby. Just mom. I'll be happy when our little one is here, for many reasons, but one of them will be most definitely be the end of me having to hear "we're bored". There's nothing like a new little brother or sister to bring the joy and thrill of summer back to summer!!!!

Truly - It's Not Arrogance

Some one has left an Anon. response to my post "Filling their void with my family" and it has upset me a little. That particular post was written in anger - this is true. Yet my blog is not only a place for me to write my thoughts but is also a place for me to "vent" and release frustrations. I hope any and all of those who read this blog recognize this. This blog is first and foremost a very PERSONAL outlet for me. I am not a philosophical, theological, or political writer. I am simply a mom and just an average woman finding her way in this world. I may comment on theology or current events, or I may simply use my computer keyboard to "punch out" my little life's frustrations, anxieties, and troubles. I put myself at risk by doing this. It seems I may have gotten "burned" by the RAW openness of my 2 most recent and very personal posts, which the Anon. writer references.

Let's clear things up right now. I in no way feel I am superior to ANY other person. Yet, as I clearly point out in my "Shining my halo" post I do feel extremely BLESSED by God to be on the path I am on. To point out the differences I have with most other women I know and am in contact with is not in of itself an ATTACK on these women personally. Rather it is a rejection of values which conflict with my own. I am reminded of the phrase "love the sinner, hate the sin." and I think it is very fitting here. My hope is that ALL people come to experience the blessings and the great graces I have been given in my life. But it must be said that it does not happen by magic. I sacrifice a lot in order to remain open to these graces and blessings.

Those who know me well, know that I am neither arrogant, nor uncharitable towards my neighbors (in this sense I mean ALL my fellow humans). I am though - human. I do get worn down and exhausted by the lack of understanding I am given. I am not really living a "very holy life" as the Anon. writer says. It's just a simple life that God calls me to live. But I AM living a counter cultural life. Doing that can wear on a young mother from time to time. In those moments she may need to vent a little on her blog. But most assuredly she doesn't need a lecture.

A More POSITIVE Note

We recently received these photos (and an update) from my brother-in-law, Martin. The expansion is going well and I am happy for them to be rid of their old bathroom tile (that's geared toward Kelly) and for them to have the space to stand fully erect in their attic (that's geared toward Martin). Mostly, I'm glad to re-focus my attention on those I love dearly! I have been moody, cranky, and anxious as of late (as some may have gathered from my posts). When I see pics of my sister and my brother Martin, I am reminded of who I love and who loves me! That makes a WORLD of difference despite the miles that separate us. I miss them terribly! They're some of the (very) few people who actually "get" me and still like me anyway!

Filling Their VOID with My Family

One of the things I most often hear when I am pregnant or have a new little one to care for is "Oh, I'd love to have another baby but (fill in excuse here)...so I'll just have to come over to your house to get my 'baby fix' in...ha ha ha ha" The next thing that I most often hear is...If these "nice" people haven't noticed by now I am the mother of five, I am openly pro-life, I home school my kids, I go to church and talk about my faith openly, I LOVE my husband, I enjoy HIS company above anyone else's, I have a statue of the Blessed Mother in my yard... Stop talking to me like I am an imprisoned idiot who needs SAVING!!!!!!!! I am perfectly HAPPY as I am. I WANT to be with and enjoy the company of my family. I long for evenings ALONE with my husband. I get great satisfaction and happiness from caring for my little people and being "tied" to them 100% I am not some fool who's forgotten that "sex makes babies" and I am certainly not in need of having my eyes opened to the "real fun" life has to offer. I am a woman called by GOD HIMSELF to serrve HIM through service to my family. Mine is a position of HONOR and DIGNITY... God has given you all families of your own... If there is a void you feel deep in your heart, then search your soul for the answer lies there indeed. The comfort, the goodness that is found in my family cannot be absorbed by proximity to us but rather can only be modeled after. That requires sacrifice and work. This is what you are unwilling to commit to.
... have huge holes in their hearts and are eternally searching for some way to fill the void.


*** This post has been edited in order to remove all content that may have been previously viewed as uncharitable and hurtful. I have done much reflecting on these points and have therefore decided to self-edit in order to spare feelings and myself from being labeled for lack of a better word a self-righteous JERK!

Zucchini Coming Out of Our Ears

Today I just picked 5 more zucchini.

Mom says I'll need to shred and freeze some for bread etc. For now I've been just happy to bread 'em and fry 'em up. Yummy!! I think my neighbors may be seeing some zucchini headed their way as well. One can only eat so much of it...

The thrill of victory...the agony of defeat...the human drama of athletic competition...all at the local Park District Triathlon...

Last weekend the girls participated in a triathlon for kids. There were 3 age categories - 6-8, 9-11, and 12-14. Awards were given for each age category and separated into boy winner and girl winner. Mary got first place in her age group for girls. Morgan placed third in her age group for girls. All first and second place finishers received a plaque and their picture in the paper. Mary Grace couldn't have been happier! Finally the second born syndrome was broken! She felt so good to actually accomplish something without having to stand in her big sister's shadow! Morgan felt horrible. Not because of Mary's success. But, rather because (being the typical first born perfectionist that she is) she felt like she had failed. To be fair the competition in her age bracket was much more intense and was just simply larger (more kids participated in the 9-11 group than any other). Tim and I were so proud of both of them for just finishing and not giving up (as some kids did). One thing to be said of my kiddos - they're not quitters and we've taught them to always give it their all - 100%! Boy oh boy did they! It was a great experience and Tim and I have decided to make it a family tradition to have the kids participate EVERY year. Of course Tim and dad IMMEDIATELY started strategizing and planning for next year. "we need to really train...we'll need to get bigger bikes...work on the transition from pool to bike to make it more efficient...etc." Tim was gleeful to say the least every time he'd see either Morgan or Mary Grace pass up another child! He'd say "Did you see that? Mary came from behind ... Morgan came from behind and now she's ahead..." "Get 'em Morgan... get 'em Mary..." You think we might be a tad bit of a competitive family? Anyhow, it was lots of fun and MANY lessons were learned. That's the great thing about athletic competition - it teaches so many important character building and virtue strengthening lessons. That, and it makes mom and dad feel REAL PROUD!

Mommy's Garden

Well our tomatoes, cucumbers, and zucchini are a BIG success. Our

beans, cauliflower, and strawberries are not so good...But what matters most is who gets to use the hose and the sprayer anyhow.

Also, I planted butterfly bushes, lots of roses, boxwoods, jasmine, and honeysuckle. These plants will most likely not "do" too much for me this year. But NEXT year watch out! We also made a place amidst the roses for the Blessed Mother. This is something I've wanted to do for a while now so it's good to know she's now displayed in our yard as I'd hoped.

Better Than A Dozen Long Stemmed Roses

"I picked these for you mom."

In the Sandbox

A rare photo of Mary Grace and Collin playing TOGETHER without trying to kill one another! Yet you can see by the expression on Mary's face that she's not too thrilled with the experience.

Juicy Fruit..."Line Up!"

Poppy ALWAYS has Juicy Fruit Gum.

His grandkids LOVE this fact.

Poppy says "OK everybody, line up!"

Distribution begins...everybody's happy.

Shining My Halo

** this post has been recently highlighted by use of larger font and color in order to point out my ORIGINAL commentary as a defense for myself...

This past weekend Tim accused me of "shining my halo" to a sickening degree. I must admit there was a little self-flattery and maybe some reaching over shoulder patting of my own back, but NO halo shining!! I have been accused snobbery of the worst kind - holier than thou snobbery! (with a tad bit of intellectual snobbery thrown in as well)

But I protest! Is it so wrong to avoid or dislike contact with others with whom you have nothing in common? Is it so wrong to state these obvious differences and to say that they bother me or cause discomfort? Is it so wrong to say I lack RESPECT for some people and therefore don't particularly want to socialize with them regularly?

Why does this automatically make me a "halo shiner"? In fact, I think it only makes sense that as long as one is kind, friendly,and loving to ALL, that one choose to be with and converse with those who challenge and uplift oneself. I want to be surrounded by people who make me think and grow and who have something to offer me (other than a beer or a Hard Mike's). If this makes me a halo shiner than so be it!

The problem I face with Tim and other as well is that I am often seen as tooting my own horn when I point out these types of differences between myself and let's say another mother who has 2 kids has her hubby "fixed" and then spends her life between shopping, getting her nails done, and recovering from the weekend's hangover. But it is not my own horn that I am tooting. In fact it is the Lord's alone. I am WELL AWARE of my own weaknesses and limitations and that with Jesus I could no none of the things that I do. But when I am faced with the challenge of just grinning and bearing it I often fail. I am NOT one to just "play along" with the social demands of neighborhood living. Rather I choose to separate myself from those I find "beneath" me. These are the types of words that make my husband CRINGE!!!

"Beneath you!!!?" "What a self-righteous halo shiner you are Kristan!!!!" Well, yes. But I do not stand on a pedestal of my own making. I do not look at those "beneath me" with disdain or disgust but rather with loving compassion. Jesus alone is the reason I am a homeschooling mother of soon to be five. Jesus alone is the reason I do not drink until I am wobbly on my feet and brainless. Jesus alone is the reason I do not fear being open to life. Jesus alone is the reason I choose to go to Mass and to pray daily. Jesus alone is the reason I deny myself "stuff" and avoid spoiling myself with salons and spas and the like. Jesus alone is the reason I like to read books which require a dictionary to understand. Jesus alone is why I am who I am and live how I live. All the credit is His!

Those who I avoid or criticize are no weaker, nor more selfish than myself. They simply lack that initial leap of faith required to throw oneself into the arms of God and say to Him "Take me away Lord. I love you. Do with me what You will." For this reason alone they stand "beneath" me. For this reason alone do I roll my eyes when Tim says "Why don't you call so and so or why don't you talk more with so and so? They're so nice..." Yes yes - they're nice! Nice shmice. I just can't bear another conversation about nothing or worse yet another conversation about a boring sex life or how to spend hubby's money without him knowing about it! Blah, blah, blah...

If that makes me a halo shining snob then so be it! I want to live my life for Jesus. If I'm gonna have to bite my tongue and grin and bear it every five minutes in a conversation with somebody than frankly I don't want to be socializing with that somebody very much! Tim thinks this is totally unchristian of me. Is it? I never mistreat or am unkind to these people. I am helpful and friendly as a neighbor should be. What more is required? Must I go the extra mile? The hardest part is that Tim really gets upset by this. I mean it really causes a fight. I can't understand why he can't look at me and say "Ya, I have a great wife. She IS a better woman than so and so and I can understand her lack of enthusiasm to be around ..."

My thinking is that those you socialize with should be able to raise you up to a higher level with their conversation and more importantly by their example. Trust me. The example that is set for me by many of those around me is NOT one Tim would want me to emulate. In fact he'd have a REAL PROBLEM if I started adopting some of the b.s. that these "nice" women pull. I think the crux of it is that I want Tim to recognize me for who I am. I'd like it if he'd put me on a pedestal from to time and pat my back for me and occasionally he'd shine up a little golden halo himself and place it on my head and say "I love you Kris. You are an exceptional woman!"

But alas - I must shine my own halo...

Under Construction

This is Martin and Kelly's home.
As you can see it is under construction/demolition.
Soon it will be able to house all of
us and Kelly Martin will have more space for ALL of their STUFF!!! From what I've seen and what I know of the 2 of them they will be well served by the added SPACE!!

Computer Ding-Bat!

The following 2 posts are me attempting to figure out how to post music to this blog. I'd like to now and again share songs along with their lyrics that really INSPIRE and MOVE me! I am a real believer in the power of music to move people and to touch their hearts in a way that words alone cannot. So many countless times I've been driving down the road listening to a song and I have been moved to tears or to a high place of worship for my God...it can at times freak the kiddos out a little..."mommy? why are you crying?"... "cause God is so good kids. that's all."

Big Daddy Weave - Just The Way I Am

Big Daddy Weave - Just The Way I Am: "Big Daddy Weave - Just The Way I Am
From the album What I Was Made For
Unbelievable, I’m blown away it’s true
By the matchless love that I’ve found in You
Undeniable, the changes in me
I’ve never felt so free

It makes me want to dance
You make me want to dance
When I think about how

Chorus:
You love me, You love me
You love me just the way I am
You love me, You love me
You love me just the way,
Just the way I am (repeat)

Ever patiently accepting me
Lord, You love in spite of everything I do
But oh so faithfully
You’re committed to the process that makes me like You
And I feel like I can dance
Oh You make me want to dance
When I think about how You

Chorus:

Not when I’m good enough
Not when I clean my act up
Not when I cross that line the thousandth time
And become a better man
Your grace is more than enough
To cover all my sins You washed them away
So right here today
You love me just the way I am

Chorus:
Label: Fervent Records"

NapsterLinks

NapsterLinks

Lighthearted Video celebrates the Motu Proprio

this video was forwarded to me by my friend over at www.lesfemmes-thetruth.org

Nearing the End _ The Final Stretch

Well, I am about 8 weeks away from having this baby. My due date is August 26th yet I've reached the point in pregnancy (as I always do) when I am frankly just tired of being pregnant and I'll be glad to hold this little one in my arms instead of feeling his/her toes in my ribs.

Soon Tim and I need to make our final decision on whether or not we (more accurately "I")
will be having a water birth this time 'round.
The last 3 babies have all been born at home.
Morgan was born at a hospital and it was a good experience
but after we found Homefirst Health Services
we switched to home births instead.

Homefirst is a great group of doctors for those of us in the Chicagoland area.
They are prolife, encourage/teach NFP, and do NOT pressure you to vaccinate but rather try to educate parents about the dangers associated with vaccinations.
Homefirst Health Services : "Since1973 the Homefirst physicians under the leadership of Dr. Mayer Eisenstein have delivered over 14,000 babies to families who have decided to have their babies in the safe comfort of their homes.
This has been accomplished with some amazing statistics. Less than 10% c-sections, less than 1% episiotomies, and virtually no need for I.V. fluids or pain medication."

I must admit that the thought of having a "birthing" tub or pool or what ever they call it set up in my bedroom seems a little weird. Yet I suppose it is not a big leap from me laboring on my bedroom floor so what the heck why not? The doctor tells me that it should help with my back pain and the terrible transition pain/discomfort I have...It is supposed to take the "edge" off. We will see.

I am looking forward to having my little teeny tiny (as I like to call them) with me to hold and nurse and gush over. I pray to God that he/she is well, healthy and delivers safely. I also pray that God will allow me to recover properly from this pregnancy and birth. It wasn't the easiest of recoveries last time and it was frankly very traumatic for me. I have (since Monica) been diagnosed with multiple prolapses and I'll leave it at that...no one needs the details. Suffice it to say that I'm no spring chicken anymore - as far as having babies goes - and that I won't be "up and running" like I was say after Morgan or Mary Grace's births.

Pray for me. Pray for my little one not yet born. I am so greatly blessed to be doing this ............... again! And for all of you pains in the butts who just HAVE to ask - No! I am not done yet! Like Tim always says in response - We are just gonna have to keep having them until you and everybody else stops asking us that question.