Jen over at "Et tu?"writes about "dying to self" and says this:
"I don't know what I used to imagine 'dying to self' would feel like, but I didn't anticipate that there would be real pain involved. (I can just picture lifelong Christians smiling knowingly at that one.) The more I live as a Christian, the more I am struck by how difficult it is. To borrow a phrase from fellow former atheist John C. Wright, I find that Christianity is a very inconvenient religion. To die to yourself as we're called to do -- to live in the moment with calm trust, to let go of your own ego and selfishness, to reject the empty high of sin -- is hard, hard work."
How right she is!! And this got me thinking. Often, simply because just existing and interacting in daily life as the stay at home mom of 5 automatically makes me a "witness" to the faith, I am confronted with those who mistake hard work with natural giftedness. Nothing could be further from the truth!
I am not a "preachy" person. I never make a point of telling others how they should live their lives. BUT I do live my own life LOUDLY. We, my crew and I (and Tim), are a walking talking interactive evangelization whether we like it or not or whether we're up to that challenge. A simple trip to the grocery store or attendance at a party can inflyuence others' attitudes and ideas about family, love, and sacrifice.
This is a good thing I suppose. At times I find it extremely daunting. I am FAR from perfect God knows! My kiddos all have their "pet" sins as well. We're a rag tag bunch but we all are in the spotlight like it or not - our unusual size and our commitment to a counter culture make it so. this kind of pressure can make me crazy. I always feel the need to "represent" well - clean, well-dressed, attractive, smart, and likeable - all MUSTS! My poor kids get lectures about this and I know I tend to go overboard...
The problem I find in all of this is the frequent misunderstanding most have about me and Tim and our crew. Very few know us well. For these folks, there is no problem. The problem arrises with those who know us nominally, or those who some how block out portions of our "witness" and see only a fantasy version of us. How often I've heard the laughable "Kris, you're a saint!" Ha Ha Ha Ha........such foolishness!!....
My canonization is soon followed by a general defensiveness. "I just couldn't do what you do." "I'm not cut out for that kind of life." "You're so much better than me...or more patient... or more whatever..." "You are amazing, Kris." "You just have great kids - mine are brats" "My kids won't sit still at mass...so we can't go like you." "You were raised like that - you're used to doing those things."
The real truth is Tim is a recent convert. I was a fallen away Catholic in college. My kids want to eat chocolate and watch tv 24/7 too. We'd like to have a pontoon boat at our vacation house. We'd like to have free time to pursue personal interests. We lose our tempers, get annoyed by our kids. Cut us and do we not bleed? We were not born with a greater capacity to suffer. We don't have some secretly formula for cultivating virtue. We are not "naturals" - some kind of rare breed with super DNA for a capacity to sacrifice. Guess what folks? It's just good old fashioned hard work. It doesn't happen over night either. It is a long slow process and it happens moment by moment, diaper by diaper, mess by mess.
So for all those who fall short of the vision God has for them because they think they're too weak to carry the crosses that demands I say this: I'm not "cut out for" this either! No one is! But if you want to "be cut out" for something it's gonna require you to bleed a little!!
"I don't know what I used to imagine 'dying to self' would feel like, but I didn't anticipate that there would be real pain involved. (I can just picture lifelong Christians smiling knowingly at that one.) The more I live as a Christian, the more I am struck by how difficult it is. To borrow a phrase from fellow former atheist John C. Wright, I find that Christianity is a very inconvenient religion. To die to yourself as we're called to do -- to live in the moment with calm trust, to let go of your own ego and selfishness, to reject the empty high of sin -- is hard, hard work."
How right she is!! And this got me thinking. Often, simply because just existing and interacting in daily life as the stay at home mom of 5 automatically makes me a "witness" to the faith, I am confronted with those who mistake hard work with natural giftedness. Nothing could be further from the truth!
I am not a "preachy" person. I never make a point of telling others how they should live their lives. BUT I do live my own life LOUDLY. We, my crew and I (and Tim), are a walking talking interactive evangelization whether we like it or not or whether we're up to that challenge. A simple trip to the grocery store or attendance at a party can inflyuence others' attitudes and ideas about family, love, and sacrifice.
This is a good thing I suppose. At times I find it extremely daunting. I am FAR from perfect God knows! My kiddos all have their "pet" sins as well. We're a rag tag bunch but we all are in the spotlight like it or not - our unusual size and our commitment to a counter culture make it so. this kind of pressure can make me crazy. I always feel the need to "represent" well - clean, well-dressed, attractive, smart, and likeable - all MUSTS! My poor kids get lectures about this and I know I tend to go overboard...
The problem I find in all of this is the frequent misunderstanding most have about me and Tim and our crew. Very few know us well. For these folks, there is no problem. The problem arrises with those who know us nominally, or those who some how block out portions of our "witness" and see only a fantasy version of us. How often I've heard the laughable "Kris, you're a saint!" Ha Ha Ha Ha........such foolishness!!....
My canonization is soon followed by a general defensiveness. "I just couldn't do what you do." "I'm not cut out for that kind of life." "You're so much better than me...or more patient... or more whatever..." "You are amazing, Kris." "You just have great kids - mine are brats" "My kids won't sit still at mass...so we can't go like you." "You were raised like that - you're used to doing those things."
The real truth is Tim is a recent convert. I was a fallen away Catholic in college. My kids want to eat chocolate and watch tv 24/7 too. We'd like to have a pontoon boat at our vacation house. We'd like to have free time to pursue personal interests. We lose our tempers, get annoyed by our kids. Cut us and do we not bleed? We were not born with a greater capacity to suffer. We don't have some secretly formula for cultivating virtue. We are not "naturals" - some kind of rare breed with super DNA for a capacity to sacrifice. Guess what folks? It's just good old fashioned hard work. It doesn't happen over night either. It is a long slow process and it happens moment by moment, diaper by diaper, mess by mess.
So for all those who fall short of the vision God has for them because they think they're too weak to carry the crosses that demands I say this: I'm not "cut out for" this either! No one is! But if you want to "be cut out" for something it's gonna require you to bleed a little!!
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