We Can't Do It All - Have It All - And That's As It Should Be

The image to the left is a lie.
Women can't do it all and have it all. Something must always be sacrificed.
Because human nature is a fallen nature, we naturally lean towards those things that serve the self and avoid those things that are difficult.
Sure, I'd be the first one to admit, I would love to travel the world, be in top physical shape, read at my leisure, maybe go back to school and get a Masters Degree. Even on a smaller scale, I'd like to drink a cup of coffee in a quiet kitchen, go to the bathroom by myself, or have dinner alone with Tim with some great conversation. But I have chosen to sacrifice all these things, big and small alike. It can be difficult, very difficult at times to watch other women, other mothers, send their kids off to school and in the course of their day get their laundry done, their house cleaned, and their errands all run. I envy what I see as the simplicity and order of their lives. Mine often seems like a jumble of worksheets, glue sticks, dirty diapers, toothpaste chunks stuck to the sink, and piles of laundry. Ah, how fulfilling, rewarding and self-gratifying. Well actually, yes! But not that stuff - I really do hate that stuff. But what I have gained is something even better than an immaculate house and a trendy wardrobe. Despite the crazy days and the sleepless nights (up nursing a baby) that come along with being a full time mom of more than 2.3 who chooses to home school, I have a peace and a joy within me that I have noticed is missing from many of the other moms I know or have met. Even though they seemingly have it all - have everything they could need or want, they aren't happy.
Here are two anecdotal instances I will share to illustrate this. Recently, a woman I know casually told me that she told her girlfriends "all about me" on their "girls' night out" over the weekend. You see she is one of these very nice women, a working mother of two, who upon getting to know me and a little about my life and lifestyle, has decided that I'm a saint. Yes, yes, she claims that I MUST be Saint Kristan of the Suburbs! This is a typical reaction of those who do NOT know me well. People who meet me and learn a little (but not nearly enough) either think I'm a saint or a weirdo! There's no middle ground. This is very frustrating in of itself and it makes it extremely difficult to develop good female friendships. But I'll save that for another post. Any who, I asked her why in the heck would you be talking about ME on your girls' night out? She said that she just HAD to tell all her girlfriends about how we were speaking about how I find time to socialize with 4 kids, (5 on the way) and home school, etc. My response was that I'm happy to just hang out with Tim. I explained that there's no one I'd rather spend my free time with than my husband. Her mouth dropped in shock and awe! She actually laughed out loud. She explained then that she had to relay this "outrageous" story to the girls! She went on to say how they all were just as shocked and awed as was she and that they all "had a good laugh" about it. Now, I wasn't hurt by this. Not at all. Actually, it made me really sad for her and her friends. So, being me, I TOLD her that. I said "wow that's really sad." Her face got serious and she spoke softly. She said "Ya, you know, it is. I have to tell you the truth. After you left last week I thought about what you'd said and I felt really jealous of you."
All the free time in the world can't compare with a marriage grounded in faith and lived out as God intends. The second anecdotal instance is one that happens all the time with many women I meet and know. Whenever I am pregnant (which is about every two years), I will inevitably have a woman who I know (because she tells me herself) will not and chooses not to have any more babies, say to me something like this "Well, I sure couldn't handle any more kids, but if I get an urge, than I'll quick come by your house and just get in a little 'baby fix' to make me feel better." They are defensive in their tone and at the same time seem so sad and longing in their eyes when they say this. It's like they are saying - I really DO want to have more babies, more children, but I am a more self-disciplined, self-restrained person than you and I can control my irrational "baby urges" where as you obviously cannot. My feeling is that these "baby urges" are God-given. Why SHOULD I suppress them? People say all the time "Well, I could never 'handle' another one" the implication being that I MUST be some kind of superwoman. It's the Saint Kristan of Suburbia again. NOT! I always say - I am no better suited for having a large family or staying home or home schooling. In fact, those who know me well, might say these things fly in the face of my very free-spirited, independent, strong-willed nature! They'd be right! It's not that I am any stronger or better able to sacrifice things for the sake of having another baby. But, rather that I allow GOD to make me strong and help me to sacrifice those things that I naturally DO desire just like everybody else! I'm not special. I'm not different. I choose to do something special, something different, and that in turn MAKES me stronger. But the choice comes first, the strength second. With God, it's always a leap of faith. In large things and small things.
So, to all those women who have bought into the lie that as women we can have it all and do it all I say this: the more you try to fill up that hole with all the pleasures this world claims are worthwhile - a satisfying career, money, a great figure (flat abs), a lively (twenty-something like)social life, and the world's admiration and respect; the more you will be left feeling empty. As women, we are not all called to be mothers, this is true. Not all are called to be married. But as women we are all called to be "mothers" to the world, to serve, to sacrifice ourselves for the sake of "these little ones." For those who HAVE been called to marriage and motherhood of the physical kind, we cannot expect to feel peace, joy and fulfillment, while denying and suppressing the very thing we are called to do! Not every mother will have 12, 7, or 5 children. Not every mother is called to do that. But I sure have met MANY women who speak of "a baby urge" after the world's official "two and we're done", who don't seem like they are REALLY content with their lives. Could it be that there are a whole heck of a lot of moms out there who out of FEAR or maybe uncontested, unchallenged, SELFISHNESS, have just convinced themselves that people like me are living a life of unattainable "sainthood" or are just baby-crazed weirdos. I truly believe this world is missing a lot of babies number 3 and 4 for sure. Moms who follow God's plan for them are the only moms who in the end will REALLY - Have it all!