Collin,I know things have been hard for you lately. This being your very first year of real school, there have been a lot of adjustments and changes. Leading up to the start of the school year you were worried and asked me a lot of questions. You wondered what school would be like. I told you it would be fun and that you'd learn a lot of great things. You wondered if you'd make friends and if they'd be "nice boys" as you called them. I assured you they would be and that of course they'd be your friends. You wondered what your teacher would be like. I reassured you by saying she'd be kind of like grandma and that she really wanted to teach you lots of things this year. "Ok mommy, I'll go to school but I really want to play Star Wars I think." was how you ended our "school talk".
I had my own worries, different from yours. I know how much energy you have and how you have a constant curiosity about everything that's new in your world. When you're 6 years old there's a lot that's new in your world huh? Your love of climbing and jumping, your love of exploring and fighting imaginary battles, they can be exhausting to reign in when circumstances preclude the use of swords, plastic or otherwise and the scaling of objects no matter how much they may resemble a mountainside. But even when I'm forced to reign you in your little spirit perseveres. That little light inside you shines brightly no matter how much I may yell and speak of safety and rules and limits. I love this little light. God gave it to you and I don't mean to ever take it from you or to try to stamp it out.
This same little light that burns makes you who you are. It makes you smother Chris in kisses and leap into your daddy's arms with glee. It makes you sing songs just for the joy of it as you walk around the house. It makes you run faster and climb higher. It makes you fearless as you leap into lakes. Fearless to chase down bugs that you label "cute" and "nice" as you carry them around in the palm of your hand. This light ignites your love of Jesus and especially for His mother - Mary. "I need the Blessed Mother mommy - go get her." I bring back the statue of Our Lady of Grace and put it on your bedside table. You turn her and adjust her just so. "Ok mommy, now I can go to sleep. Just say 3, no 4, no 10 Hail Mary's ok mommy?" I love this little light. God surely gave it to you and I don't mean to ever take it from you or to try to stamp it out.
So you started school last week. You held your big sister's hand as you headed for the school doors. You waved at me and smiled and I could see that light shining through your big blue eyes. School was hard work. There was so mush cool new stuff and so many cool new people!! WOW! I can only imagine how thrilling and exciting it must have felt to see and experience so many new things all at once. Despite the "trouble" you had you were so joy-filled about all the awesome things you saw those first days at school. You really must have had a hard time not hugging all those new "nice boys" you met. I know it was hard to stay in your chair. Your light was so ready to burst out of you - you fell right out of your chair a couple of times. Not to worry though because you are a strong boy and it didn't hurt a "good soldier" like you. I know your legs wanted to leap and run and I'm so proud of you that you tried your very best to make them obey you. You always chose to pray "Blessed Mother help me be a good boy at school." as your petition when your sisters and I said morning prayers together.
So we did pray. We prayed together and mommy prayed alone. Grandma prayed too sweetie. I know the Blessed Mother prayed for you for sure. She loves you so very much. She loves that light inside you. But this week at school brought many tears. It brought so much sadness and worry to your little face. You choked on your tears and sputtered out the words "I hate school mommy please don't make me go anymore." as you lay in bed for the night. The worst night was this Friday. You came home with your sisters and daddy. He got off early so he could pick you all up from school. What a treat! But it was spoiled by another "bad report" from teacher. You went to your room crying...
When I entered your room something was very odd. I didn't see that light of yours. Your face was not like I'd seen it before. Of course you've gotten into plenty of mischief and that's gotten you into plenty of trouble little man. But that trouble never left you so darkened as I saw you on friday. That little light was so very dim and so I sat beside you on the floor. "Collin? what happened at school today? what went wrong?" You looked up at me with eyes so honest and pure and said "Mommy you didn't pray hard enough for me to the Blessed Mother." I protested "Collin, I did pray and grandma prayed. we both prayed for you." "No mommy you didn't say the right prayer. You needed to ask the Blessed Mother to help me be a good boy at school." Your face was very serious and sad.
Mommy and daddy talked a lot that day. We love you so very much. We want you to learn and grow as all boys should. You will be a man one day and there is so much you must learn and know in order to be the best man God wants you to be. You must learn to listen and follow instructions, you must learn to take correction and adjust to new situations. You must develop a love of reading and a love of knowledge. You must challenge yourself and become self-motivated and self-mastered. These things will lead you to manhood. God has a plan for you. His plan for you is just for you. He knows what you are and what you need. He made you the little boy you are. He made you to shine. He put that light inside you for a reason.
It may seem to others that this light, this energy, is a hindrance to your learning. This may very well be true. But a hindrance is merely an obstacle and climbing obstacles will only make you that much stronger. I'd rather you learn and grow and keep that little light burning brightly inside you then stamp it out for the sake of expediency. Great men have both a mind that serves God and a heart that BURNS for God. I will keep your light burning. I will not take it from you or stamp it out. You're coming home my little boy. Mommy will teach you right here at home. Here you can strive to be obedient, grow in wisdom and grace, and continue to let that little light shine shine shine!
I love you my boy - Mommy
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