First of all I am so pleased to be able to use the word "ginormous" in a post title. I admit I like to use this non-word when ever possible. I'm a fan of "Elf" and the word makes me giggle just a little every time I hear/say it.
Now - on to the point at hand...
Yesterday at mass Father gave a lovely homily on the importance of pleasing God and the deception of finding lasting pleasure in the things of earth. He discussed the purpose of wealth and "success" and how all good things come from God alone. He spoke of how we can only be truly satisfied by the things of God. All related well to the reading, specifically the gospel. Then he said something so simple that it made all his other words so unnecessary. (At least for me.) He said "God gives each one of us a heart so large, that only He can fill it." Then he went on with this and that and I admit I didn't even hear the rest of his homily. I was stuck on that one image. It is the image, the explanation I had been trying to describe myself for so long. I have had many occasions to discuss the importance of God in my life with other people. This is a great blessing. People tend to come to me and question me "why do you do the things you do?". They may marvel or they may criticize. But for some reason they seem to want to understand why I do the "crazy" things I do. (Crazy meaning - having all those kids, and homeschooling, and talking about Jesus, and praying that ol' ladies prayer the rosary, etc)
I try to talk about my love of God. I speak about how He has transformed me and subsequently my life. I talk about the joy and peace I feel knowing that I am doing what pleases Him most. But those deer in headlights eyes often just stare back at me. They cannot understand where I am coming from. They think I have some special supernatural powers to connect with God on a level they cannot. Not true! They think that I am especially "holy". Not! They think that I have had an extraordinary upbringing which has prepared me well for this journey. Yet I am just the product of any ordinary dysfunctional family like everybody else.
What could I say? How could I describe the NEED for God to those who see my compulsion, my obsession as unnatural and unattainable? How can I make them see that we ALL need God. We have the same magnetic draw towards Him no matter who we are or where we've been. Everybody is destined to be compulsively, obsessively drawn to serve the Lord! It's just that we let so much darkness blind us. We think so little of ourselves and at the same time we think we think so highly of ourselves! Oh how Satan twists things! Then Father spoke those simple words. The image for me was so clear and childlike - it was perfect!
God is our maker. He made us with ginormous hearts. And I mean GINORMOUS!! There is no person, no possession, no achievement, no degree, or bank account, or success, or pleasure that can fill this heart we have been given. Our spouse cannot fill it. Our children cannot fill it. Our love of neighbor, country, or humanity itself cannot fill it. God alone can fill our ginormous heart. Only God can satisfy our hunger. We fill ourselves with everything in sight. Some choices may seem better than others. Some may choose selfish pleasures to stuff that void. Others choose noble acts and selfless charity and say they are fulfilled. But charity without love of God is just another hopeless heart-stuffer. We will stuff and stuff and never be complete. The void is still there.
God must be asked to come into and fill our ginormous hearts. We must make Him a welcomed guest there. We must give Him ALL of our heart - not merely a piece of it. We must not hold back or reserve space for a rainy day. He will not fail us. So go ahead. Give yourself away! Every ginormous piece of that heart! Then crazy things just start happening. You feel a radical compulsion to GIVE and GIVE and GIVE. You find yourself doing things and sacrificing things that never seemed possible before. The crazy part is it's not YOU! You're not some super hero who's suddenly developed super powers. You're just the same little ol' person you were before but with a God-filled, God-powered heart. And remember, it's a GINORMOUS HEART! Oh the things you can do with a ginormous heart!
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