**These are ACTUAL photos from my doctor's visit...I have a movie of the experience (I had Morgan actually film the event so all could share in the insanity) but I have no clue how to post video to my blog as of yet!!
Today I had a doctor's appointment. From this point forward I will be going weekly. I have ordered my birthing tub, and I will be needing to get my "supplies" organized in preparation for the "big day"! I am feeling excited and at the same time anxious, about another home birth. The baby's heart rate was 148 and doc says everything's good...yet I still found myself crying in that little white room on that crinkly white paper.
I felt it necessary to tell the doc about my very intense emotions as of late and also about my ever increasing stress level. This is when I broke down. I suppose the fact that all four of my kiddos were in the room with me "waiting" for him to come in, might have had something to do with it. When I say "waiting" that means me sitting on the crinkly papered table and yelling at Collin to stop touching , well, EVERYTHING!! "Don't touch that. Get down from there. Get your shoes back on. No! Not the bio hazard box! Leave your sister alone. Get up off the floor. and (most importantly) Be quiet!" It also means I actually said this to my girls "Do you see this person? (pointing at Collin) well he's gonna drive me crazy so that means you 3 must be PERFECT! Do you hear me? Sit there and be PERFECT!" (This was said with the veins in my neck starting to pop out and my teeth clenched so tightly that I was sure I'd break one of them off right there)Morgan asked "What do you mean mom?" I replied "Just sit there and act like statues." She pushes me "Can we be a fountain?" To which I responded without any words but just flashed her "the look" and she new I wasn't in the mood for her I'm almost double digits sense of humor.
Doctor came in and examined me pushing on my belly as Collin laid there next to me on the table. Actually Collin had his arms around me and one leg even tossed over my legs. I must say it felt good to be so loved by my little man but most importantly I was happy that he was finally STILL! (for almost 2 whole minutes!) I sat up to discuss things further with the doc and this is when he asked me the "trigger" question "Is there anything else you'd like to discuss?" Let the tears commence! I went on to explain how emotional and cranky I've been lately...as I did this Collin started his pinball action bouncing off the walls of the 8x8 room at top speed. The doc soon lost eye contact with me as I tearfully continued..."Mrs. ***** I don't think it's due to hormones as much as circumstance in your case." "It seems you may have some stress at home?" looking over at Collin who had just stuck some disposable cone shaped ear things in his ears. "Yes doctor." "Right now you really need to just be eating and resting and relaxing, nothing else. You should have someone come and stay with you and take care of all the housework and the children." My response? Laughter. "Thanks for the comic relief Doctor" I said. But he assured me he was serious.
The problem I find myself in is that those people who I feel comfortable coming into my home and caring for me and my kiddos are all moms with big broods of their own! Dawn my neighbor and dearest friend, has 5 and her youngest is only 5 mths old! Sure, like I can say "Hey Dawn when you're done with the Mt. Everest of laundry in your basement, and fishing toothbrushes out of toilets, and making and cleaning up after a zillion mini-meals (what kids like to call 'snacks' but they never really are snacks. They always grow into something larger), how's about coming over here and helping me out with my 4 kiddos?" My mom lives 1 1/2 hours away and has a sickly cat at home that cannot be left for long periods of time alone. So you see my first response of course was laughter.
I will survive. But will my children? That is the question. This summer has been a real bummer for the kiddos. I haven't done as much as I normally do with them. They are all accustomed to mom riding bikes, going swimming, taking them here and there, and acting as "all time pitcher" in the backyard for our neighborhood baseball games. If my kiddos were not the "baby lovers" Tim and I have encouraged them to be, I might fear that they'd resent this little one in mommy's womb because it's messing up their normal summer fun! But thank God they haven't blamed the baby. Just mom. I'll be happy when our little one is here, for many reasons, but one of them will be most definitely be the end of me having to hear "we're bored". There's nothing like a new little brother or sister to bring the joy and thrill of summer back to summer!!!!
I felt it necessary to tell the doc about my very intense emotions as of late and also about my ever increasing stress level. This is when I broke down. I suppose the fact that all four of my kiddos were in the room with me "waiting" for him to come in, might have had something to do with it. When I say "waiting" that means me sitting on the crinkly papered table and yelling at Collin to stop touching , well, EVERYTHING!! "Don't touch that. Get down from there. Get your shoes back on. No! Not the bio hazard box! Leave your sister alone. Get up off the floor. and (most importantly) Be quiet!" It also means I actually said this to my girls "Do you see this person? (pointing at Collin) well he's gonna drive me crazy so that means you 3 must be PERFECT! Do you hear me? Sit there and be PERFECT!" (This was said with the veins in my neck starting to pop out and my teeth clenched so tightly that I was sure I'd break one of them off right there)Morgan asked "What do you mean mom?" I replied "Just sit there and act like statues." She pushes me "Can we be a fountain?" To which I responded without any words but just flashed her "the look" and she new I wasn't in the mood for her I'm almost double digits sense of humor.
Doctor came in and examined me pushing on my belly as Collin laid there next to me on the table. Actually Collin had his arms around me and one leg even tossed over my legs. I must say it felt good to be so loved by my little man but most importantly I was happy that he was finally STILL! (for almost 2 whole minutes!) I sat up to discuss things further with the doc and this is when he asked me the "trigger" question "Is there anything else you'd like to discuss?" Let the tears commence! I went on to explain how emotional and cranky I've been lately...as I did this Collin started his pinball action bouncing off the walls of the 8x8 room at top speed. The doc soon lost eye contact with me as I tearfully continued..."Mrs. ***** I don't think it's due to hormones as much as circumstance in your case." "It seems you may have some stress at home?" looking over at Collin who had just stuck some disposable cone shaped ear things in his ears. "Yes doctor." "Right now you really need to just be eating and resting and relaxing, nothing else. You should have someone come and stay with you and take care of all the housework and the children." My response? Laughter. "Thanks for the comic relief Doctor" I said. But he assured me he was serious.
The problem I find myself in is that those people who I feel comfortable coming into my home and caring for me and my kiddos are all moms with big broods of their own! Dawn my neighbor and dearest friend, has 5 and her youngest is only 5 mths old! Sure, like I can say "Hey Dawn when you're done with the Mt. Everest of laundry in your basement, and fishing toothbrushes out of toilets, and making and cleaning up after a zillion mini-meals (what kids like to call 'snacks' but they never really are snacks. They always grow into something larger), how's about coming over here and helping me out with my 4 kiddos?" My mom lives 1 1/2 hours away and has a sickly cat at home that cannot be left for long periods of time alone. So you see my first response of course was laughter.
I will survive. But will my children? That is the question. This summer has been a real bummer for the kiddos. I haven't done as much as I normally do with them. They are all accustomed to mom riding bikes, going swimming, taking them here and there, and acting as "all time pitcher" in the backyard for our neighborhood baseball games. If my kiddos were not the "baby lovers" Tim and I have encouraged them to be, I might fear that they'd resent this little one in mommy's womb because it's messing up their normal summer fun! But thank God they haven't blamed the baby. Just mom. I'll be happy when our little one is here, for many reasons, but one of them will be most definitely be the end of me having to hear "we're bored". There's nothing like a new little brother or sister to bring the joy and thrill of summer back to summer!!!!
2 comments:
Aw, Kris, I wish I could help you. I would, too. If there's anything I could possibly do, let me know. Seriously. Aside from my one baby, I'm obligation-free. What Dr. are you seeing at Homefirst?
aw Kris!
I feel for you! First, let me get out a 'ha,ha' because I can. I have been there. When I went in one time to confirm a misscarriage, I had to take everyone. The nurses thought I had an incredibly high tolerance for pain or were wondering if I was okay because I wasn't emotional. In reality, I was just working overtime to make sure that the kids were behaving, I didn't have time to focus on the lost baby too much yet.
I remember another time, I tried to take all of them to an anticipated mass. Husband was out of town. We left within ten minutes of the beginning of Mass. I went to another parking lot, yelled and hollered and then broke down and cried. Then I drove home, put them all to bed real early, got out a coke and a candy bar and called by husband and cried to him and then watched a movie in peace. I think the quietest time was when I was crying, they didn't know what to do. I have been there. It seems like the more you need them to behave, the less likely that it will happen. Inverse relationship I suppose.
Second, let me echo Erin's comments. If I lived closer or had more money, I would be there in a sec. There is nothing that ties us here, husband has family up there somewhere as an excuse, I could come up and take the kids for a week of afternoon outings and you could nap. Plus, my kids would love it. Oh, they could see lightning bugs! We don't have them here.
Third, and this is my best idea, USE DAWN!
She is close, she has 5 of her own, so she HAS BEEN THERE. Don't make the mistake of being reluctant to ask. Remember the other motto which is "she can only say no." I am not saying ask her to clean your house...but maybe she can have your 4 over for an hour or so to watch a movie (something quiet) while you go to the dr. That quiet at the dr. would be something that would be really good for you. My guess is that you could do the same for her sometime in the future. And, don't forget to stop at the DQ for ice cream and onion rings. Or a nice neighborly girl can watch the kids while you go? Start with the dr. visits, it will make a ton of difference if you are able to focus on the new baby.
Do you know if you are having a boy or a girl? My guess is boy.
Last but not least, know that I am praying for you. Everyday, I will say a few Hail Marys just for you.
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