Am I Becoming a Closet Traditionalist?

Lately I've been questioning and considering some things within the Church and specifically within the Mass that make me wonder. I tend to long for a more devout Mass. I would LOVE the opportunity to receive Jesus on my knees. I would love to feel a sense of awe and wonder again at Mass. A homily that directed and formed my conscience instead of stroking my ego would be a nice change. Better music, and yet less singing of every single possible prayer. I tend to prefer to SAY the the words of the prayers because I think more about what it is I am actually saying.

I want our Bishops to be STRONG! I want the teachings of the Church to be CLEAR! I want to have processions in the streets again on important feast days. I want to say "I am Catholic" and not feel compelled to explain or joke it away like it is a DEFECT. (I must admit I NEVER actually feel this way but I do know of others who are a little embarrassed to say they're Catholic)

Because these types of things are of interest to me I have had occasions when I've Googled a topic to read more on it. I am led to websites that are right in line with my thinking on these matters but as I read on I find other things that absolutely bother me to say the least. I have found on some traditionalist websites a hatred of JPII, Mother Teresa, and of anyone who accepts Vatican II as legitimate. Now I freely admit that I am young and ignorant of all the ins and outs of Vatican II. I am the product of it being born in 1974. But to ridicule and accuse JPII and Mother Teresa of being heretical is just something I cannot agree with.

I see the main difference between the type of Catholicism that these traditionalist desire and the kind that say JPII and Mother Teresa desired is their focus or emphasis. It seems that some traditionalists focus on the beauty and truth found in tradition, while people like JPII and Mother Teresa focused on the beauty of the individual person and the truth of God's Love.

This does not mean that it must be one or the other but rather we must incorporate BOTH into our faith. The points that many traditionalists make about the mass would only serve the purposes of Vatican II better! If we are to go out and evangelize the world and make the Church "relevant" to a modern age then we must seek to emphasise beauty and truth through tradition and of course this means in the Mass as well. It has only HURT the Church that we have discarded the beautiful traditions of the past and watered down our faith. When people go searching for answers they want CLARITY not gobble-d-gook. When they seek God in all His power and majesty they will only be disappointed by the stark walls of a sterilized church without saints, crucifix, or the smell of incense burning.

Yet we must remember the central focus of people like JPII and Mother Teresa who are criticized for embracing Vatican II and its changes. They are criticized for their ecumenism, being seen as too accepting of other religions and other ideologies. One must look more closely at these 2 saints (I believe) to understand that the love, the embrace they gave and offered to others of differing faiths was not out of a lack of commitment to the TRUTH of the One Holy Catholic Church. Rather, the love shown was out of a sense of increased dedication and commitment to the TRUTH of the dignity and value of every human person made in the image and likeness of God.

We must not hold so tight our traditions and our little truths with closed fists, that we fail to recognize the biggest truth - Jesus Himself - in the faces of others, even those who reject our Church and Her wisdom. This is the great lesson we can learn from JPII and Mother Teresa. For myself, a post Vatican II woman living in a world in desperate need of the Truth - Jesus - I would love to see greater unity among Catholics. We should embrace the beauty and truth and holiness that our traditionalist brothers and sisters offer us. Then we could go out into the world and evangelize with greater zeal and most importantly with greater love.

I can see the sense in many of the things the traditionalists criticize. If we are fed at Mass then it only makes sense that a more fulfilling more "meaty" Mass would serve Christ's soldiers better. Yet, I wonder if they too get hung up on certain things out of a sense of pride or stubbornness. Remember we are on the same side fighting the same enemy. I would only ask that the next time I run into a more "traditional" Catholic mom she does not judge me too harshly. Although I may be wearing my shorts and my Old Navy top and may have attended a N.O. mass last Sunday, and can be caught listening to Van Halen's greatest hits in my suburban with my JPII bumper sticker, I'm not all bad! My good sister, in your ankle length hand sewn floral print dress (In 90degree weather no less) who attended a Latin Mass last Sunday and is listening to Latin classics in your suburban, you are loved! I love you! You are my sister and we're on the same side - The Truth - Jesus' side!