Today was a day spent crying. No, I'm NOT depressed! But, I did have an opportunity for some quiet alone time. Being a homeschooling mom of 4 there's not much time for quiet reflection to take place. I rarely am without my kids...rarer still am I given over an hour of quiet to do nothing else but reflect on life and love. The best place for me to do this is in the car. Today I had to drive to m&d's to get the kids and that's a little over an hour each way. The kids fall asleep or are otherwise tranquilized by the heater (I sometimes crank it up intentionally to encourage sleepiness) and the vibration of the ride itself.
So, I tuned the radio to the Christian station and started thinking...I thought about Fr. Burns, aunt Bonnie, uncle Mike, uncle Pat, Grandma Maxwell, ........
I thought about all those people who are gone now who I have loved and continue to love even in death. Bishop Sheen said in one of his essays that to love rightly is to love the living like we love the dead. Meaning that how we love the dead gives us a good example of what is required to truly love - love simply for the sake of the beloved. They cannot love us in return or speak to us or give us any satisfaction or comfort at all. But we love them. We do not love their bodies. We do not love their presence. We love their spirits - their essence - their souls! We love them as the person God made them and that is how we should love the living!
So, these people filled my heart. I started to think about all I've gained by knowing them. I spoke to them. I asked them to help me, to pray for me. I thought of aunt Bonnie and the last time I spoke with her. I needed her advice and so I just called her...we talked about life and trying to serve Jesus...how hard it can be at times. She said something I won't share here but I'll say it sure did make me laugh! I felt close to aunt Bonnie for two specific reasons. This was despite the fact that we lived far away from one another and didn't see each other as often as I would have liked. The first is because she seemed very real to me. Aunt Bonnie didn't put on a different mask to suit the occasion. Bonnie was Bonnie was Bonnie - period. I loved that! I respected that and this genuineness made me want to know her and be close to her. The second reason was actually the inverse of the first. I felt she loved me for me. I could be real with her. She seemed to "get" me, where as most people do not. That is so rare in life - another person being genuine with you and also allowing you to be genuine with them. Only in marriage and a handful of other family/friend relationships have i found this kind of unique and completely Christian love. (A scary thought for me is that out of these handful only 2 are under the age of 50)
Grandma Pray for me!
Fr. Burns Pray for me!
So, I tuned the radio to the Christian station and started thinking...I thought about Fr. Burns, aunt Bonnie, uncle Mike, uncle Pat, Grandma Maxwell, ........
I thought about all those people who are gone now who I have loved and continue to love even in death. Bishop Sheen said in one of his essays that to love rightly is to love the living like we love the dead. Meaning that how we love the dead gives us a good example of what is required to truly love - love simply for the sake of the beloved. They cannot love us in return or speak to us or give us any satisfaction or comfort at all. But we love them. We do not love their bodies. We do not love their presence. We love their spirits - their essence - their souls! We love them as the person God made them and that is how we should love the living!
So, these people filled my heart. I started to think about all I've gained by knowing them. I spoke to them. I asked them to help me, to pray for me. I thought of aunt Bonnie and the last time I spoke with her. I needed her advice and so I just called her...we talked about life and trying to serve Jesus...how hard it can be at times. She said something I won't share here but I'll say it sure did make me laugh! I felt close to aunt Bonnie for two specific reasons. This was despite the fact that we lived far away from one another and didn't see each other as often as I would have liked. The first is because she seemed very real to me. Aunt Bonnie didn't put on a different mask to suit the occasion. Bonnie was Bonnie was Bonnie - period. I loved that! I respected that and this genuineness made me want to know her and be close to her. The second reason was actually the inverse of the first. I felt she loved me for me. I could be real with her. She seemed to "get" me, where as most people do not. That is so rare in life - another person being genuine with you and also allowing you to be genuine with them. Only in marriage and a handful of other family/friend relationships have i found this kind of unique and completely Christian love. (A scary thought for me is that out of these handful only 2 are under the age of 50)
The same holds true for Fr. Burns and grandma Maxwell. They saw me for me. They "got" me. Many of today's tears were shed over the loss of affirmation I found in these people. They seemed to say to me without using words - "I know who you are Kris, and I love you". Sadly, the number of people who "get" me is dwindling. This leaves me feeling lonely and kind of abandoned really. So, today was a day spent crying. The faces and voices of those people whom I love filled my mind as I drove in peace for an hour. I prayed to them. I praised Jesus for them. How much better my life is, I am, for having known them. Through people Jesus has been able to speak to my heart what finally occured to my mind today. HE will always be the one who "gets" me completely. The more I embrace Him, the less I will feel like a sheep without a shepherd.
Aunt Bonnie Pray for me!Grandma Pray for me!
Fr. Burns Pray for me!
1 comment:
Bishop Sheen said in one of his essays that to love rightly is to love the living like we love the dead.
Beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
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