The Privilege of Being a Woman

The Privilege of Being a Woman is the title of a book.

( As usual I pick up 2 or 3 and start reading them simultaneously 'cause I just can't restrain myself enough to finish one and then go on to another...Currently it's The Fire Within, Life Is Worth Living, and The Privilege...) The Privilege...is written by Alice von Hildebrand and it was FANTASTIC!

It is an extremely easy read. Only 108 pages and very well organized. Basically it's about what it means to be truly woman or feminine. It looks at this point from a number of perspectives. The secular perspective, a biological and psychological perspective, and then the too often overlooked spiritual/mystical one.

It has a ton of noted refrences and that's great too 'cause I know that will lead me to other books. I've been leaning a lot more in the spiritual reading direction lately. I used to be a subscriber to politcal magazines and buy and read political books. Then I evolved into philosophy/persuasive argument books. Now I'm looking a lot more inward I suppose.

I came to realize that interest in politics can only be that really - interest. I can't TRULY effect change in that arena. Then there's philosophy and persuasive argument. These were helpful to me to help me to think more clearly about the WHY I believe what I believe. What I was yearning for was to get at my own root, my own wellspring. I am often VERY passionate about topics which lie close to my heart. My friends and close family have heard many a lecture/rant from me I'm SURE they'd rather not hear for the hundreth time!

I wanted to search for a path to get closer to God and to truly come to understand what He wanted from me. That's a question I've asked Him a lot. "What do You want from me God?" This question seemed frustratingly never answered. At least how I'd like it to be answered. Preferably in an audible, deeply masculine voice, booming from overhead saying "Kris, here's what I want you to do..."

Well, I KNEW that wasn't gonna happen. I was lead by the Spirit to look in two places. My own womanhood was the first place. OK, so at a minimum, I know that I am supposed to be a woman as God made me. That's a start. So, I read The Theology of the Body and other books explaining this by Christopher West. I listened to lectures from theology of the body conferences and went to hear Fr. Thomas Loya a national speaker on these topics.

I was awestruck! I felt like I had struck personal and spiritual GOLD! AhHa! At last this is what I've been searching for. It held the key to unlocking the mystery of ME! I knew better what God wanted from me and that gives me great peace and also a great sense of purpose and direction. Now, the Holy Spirit led me to a second place. I was nearer to myself, my spouse, my vocation, now I must be nearer to God. The second place I investigated was contemplative prayer. This is why I chose to read The Fire Within - about St. John of the Cross and St. Teresa of Avila's spirituality and their true intimacy with God.

I must say this is definitely the more challenging and demanding of the two. Understanding the mystical spritual nature of human sexuality and womanhood and manhood in all their glory is eye-opening. But, understanding and attempting to be prayerful and dedicated to prayerfullness in order to attain an intimate relationship with God Almighty is beyond eye-opening, it's earth-shattering!

The level of commitment required to truly give yourself to God is a level of selflessness that I am not prepared for I guess. But I WILL TRY. God sees me TRYING and I know that He must grin a little at all my feeble pathetic attempts. I imagine this as the way a parent grins at a poorly drawn picture by their child. The picture is out of proportion, two-dimentional, simply FAR from a masterpiece! But, we love this little gift, this little drawing because it was given with love and it was our child's best attempt at re-creating something beautiful.

I thank God for my mind and my heart. I want to live out all my life learning more and more about Him and how to better serve Him. But more importantly, I want to live a life loving Him, the way He DESERVES to be loved. I'll keep trying. That's the best I can do!